Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Are Books Better Than Sex?

First off, can I even publish this? Do I have the nerve to hit the enter button? [I said *enter* heh heh] Is it okay to write a humorous post about ... SEX?!?

Well, we'll find out. Okay. So. Are books better than sex?***

I think, unless you've graduated from the Wood {hahahahaha!!!} Speed Reading course, then yes ... books might be better because they last longer. Oh my, this is too easy.

And, if you are a speed reader, you don't have to go around feeling guilty about it.

Also, ... now think about it .... you can read as many books as you want, as often as you want, without having to join some *addicts anonymous* group or catching an icky disease.

Plus, it's a lot less embarrassing to buy a protective jacket for a book, than it is to buy a protective jacket for other things.

A book does all the work.

You don't have to take a book on a date, buy it dinner, give it flowers or expensive jewelry. Also, when was the last time you had to shave your legs to read a book?

There are no *age of consent* laws regarding book reading.

If a book gets boring midway through, you can just chuck it out the window without fear of hurting it's feelings.

If you get interrupted while reading, you can use a bookmark to save your place.

It's legal to buy books.

You don't have to lie to your parents or pastor about your book reading habits. In fact, many parents actually encourage their children to read.

You can smoke while you're reading a book.

People don't mind sitting on the same spot a book has sat on.

Better yet, people don't mind when they get to the end of a book and discover it's a cliff-hanger.

You don't need an expensive lawyer to sever ties with a book.

Books come in all colors and sizes.

You can write your name in a book and own it forever.

It's socially acceptable to eat while reading.

It's also socially acceptable to immediately roll over and go to sleep after you finish reading a book.

You can read a book under the bed.

Generally speaking, books can't give you a heart attack.

Books don't look better when you're drunk.

If you trot off to use the bathroom at a bar, you can leave your book on a stool and
it still be there when you get back.

Nobody ever had *morning after* regrets from reading a book.

Almost every town on earth has a large edifice established for the explicit purpose of acquiring books. You may even acquire as many as 2 to 5 at a time.

It's okay to have multiple books in progress.

You can pick up any number of books at church sales.

Finally, even though I'm sure you guys can think of lots more ... while a tad awkward, it's okay to text or talk on your cell phone while in the middle of reading a book. Books don't get all pissy and demand they be taken back to the library.
***I don't know why my mind thinks up these things ... ;P


  1. LOL Great list! I never would have thought of this!

  2. That is because you are still young enough to have a *life* lol

  3. Oh, no... that's hilarious. I can't decide which is scarier... that you thought of all those things or that you bravely hit "enter"!!

    And I'm still with you on winning the lottery. Not literally. We can take turns, K?

  4. You forgot to mention, books can be hard or soft and it doesn't matter. As for the choice of books or sex, one will never catch a disease from reading a book, and thankfully, paper cuts are seldom attributable to sex, but for maximum safety, stick to books.

  5. @Laura - I'm good on the share/lottery thing!! Barnes & Noble here we come <3
    btw, YOU said *enter*, too ... O^O

    @Keith - ooooh, good one on the soft/hard books!!
    btw, YOU said *maximum* hehe

  6. Hilarious! I was cracking up while reading these- you came up with a lot! I am thinking of more as I type- just not sure if I am as brave as you. :)


  7. I think books are better than sex!
    My owner however says it really depends on what kind of book and what kind of sex.

  8. @DMS - I'd love to hear what goodies you've thought of!! ;D

    @McPig - Your owner should stop thinking about books & sex and buy you LOTS of chocolate ice cream!! :D