Mary Ann DeBorde Writes (and Reads!)

Free e-book: The Dishonored Dead

2012-01-02T11:37:00.000-08:00

Hey Peeps! For a limited time, you can get a FREE ecopy of Robert Swartwood's The Dishonored Dead!!
For US Kindle users:
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004W4MHQU
For UK Kindle users:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B004W4MHQU

The Dishonored Dead is one amazing book, above and beyond the stereotypical 'zombie
gut-bucket' genre. To read my review - click HERE.

You know you love FREE. You know you love zombies. And of course, you love ME. ;D

How Not to Die in 2012 - You're Welcome!

2011-12-28T14:22:00.000-08:00

Out of the goodness of my heart, Auntie M.A.D. has compiled - for YOU - a fully comprehensive and well-thought out plan [cobbled together while waiting for Hulu to load up] detailing all the necessary information a person needs in order to happily survive the dreaded 2012.

I do this out of love/boredom/a dare. While there is no need to thank me, anonymous gifts of chocolate/$50 bills would not go amiss. *ahem*

HOW NOT TO DIE IN 2012:

Avoid squirrels. Though I love the little buggers and would not for a moment wish them ill, it must be said that hanging around squirrels will most certainly get your ass killed. Keep a car's length between you and all squirrels at any given time, because ONE of you is bound to get run over. Basically, squirrels are not exactly notorious for their longevity - and they almost NEVER look both ways before darting out into traffic.

According to scientific statistics that would be purely mind boggling if I hadn't just made them up out of thin air, only 16% of people who run with bulls get killed, compared to the whopping 93% of people who run with squirrels. The choice, though obvious, is yours.

Furthermore, though Max Brooks [author of the best seller World War Z] did not technically come right out and name squirrels as the sole source of the zombie plague, it's my studied opinion that squirrels are unequivocally implied as the culprit - as any fool can verify for themselves by simply picking up a copy of World War Z, turning to page 77, multiplying the number of vowels by Pi and dividing by the atomic weight of walnuts [squirrel food] which RESULTS in the super secret Da Vinci codex of squirrels as known to the Vatican since the year of our Lord 1565.

Say what you will, but you can't argue math.

So don't get bit by squirrels or you will turn into a zombie and probably die [eventually].

Which brings me to ...

Don't get bit by a zombie, Period. You'd think this would be practical common sense, but it's amazing how many people need the constant reminder. George A. Romero, the patron saint of evisceration, has dedicated his career to this cause.

Speaking of weird shit. Something else to void. Don't get all caught up in the UFO craze and start wandering around creepy & remote fields at night hoping an alien mother ship will happen along. For all you know it could be a supply ship for McPeople. Sometimes it's just a good idea to keep a low profile regarding things you know absolutely nothing about.

And while we're trying not to die here. It has come to my haphazard attention that all our food stuffs for consumption, in one form or another, for one damn reason or another, are grossly contaminated or bound to eventually rot away our innards/brains/various organs, so it's probably for the best if we simply agree to dispense with eating altogether.

While it's entirely possible that at some point we're bound to starve to death, at least we'll have the satisfaction of knowing that no one had to use the jaws of life to extract our morbidly obese corpse out of a trailer like some bloated anchovy in a fish tin.

You know, nowadays every single stupid thing, from stress to the sheer act of breathing, is thought to be fatal to our health, and I so I think our last resort for avoiding death is to start fervently praying to God.

But, you might want to act really busy just in case praying puts you on His radar. So, make sure to involve yourself in as many long-term projects as possible as to increase any merit in His eyes for your earthly continuance. Strive to be a better person, but not TOO much better as we all know what happened last time.

And when I, personally, think of God, I also think of nature:

Unfortunately, it does appear that natural disasters seem to be on the upswing, so in order to not die, you might consider avoiding/moving away from any of the following areas: coastal regions [tsunamis], mountains [volcanoes], those really big states with lots of fault lines and/or subduction zones like California, Nevada, Alaska, etc, rivers [flooding, mudslides], great plains [tornadoes, drought, more earthquakes], Eastern states where people talk funny [blizzards], southern states [fires, hurricanes, sinkholes].

Which leaves exactly zilch, so you might as well stay where you're at.

Oh, and since the Mayans have everyone kinda edgy about the upcoming new year, it's a good idea to live below ground just in case some ancient comet/rogue planet/asteroid/meteor/CME/NASA junk happens to strike and rain fire from above. Just saying. If you can't move underground, you might wish to invest in a really sturdy umbrella.

More anti-death hints [I can think up this stuff all day]. Stop bathing or showering. Since, allegedly, most accidents happen at home or in the bathroom or something like that, never step foot in your bathroom ever again. Ever. If any family member should happen to thoughtlessly express their displeasure, lock THEM in the stupid bathroom and see how long it takes them to have an accident. Write up a scientific paper or thesis to document your findings. It'll give the judge something to laugh about while he's sentencing you to life in prison/having you committed. At least in an institution you'll be safe from squirrels.

Happy Freakin' 2012.

200 Follower Giveaway at The Book Basement!

2011-12-23T20:31:00.000-08:00

Looking for yet another yummy book-lovin' giveaway? Well, my little chickadees - you need look no further than the awesome-possum 200 Follower giveaway currently going on at The Book Basement!!! Not one, not two, ... heck, not even THREE prize packs to pick from but FIVE!!! Eh ma gawd - I like just *drooled* all over my poor keyboard :D

Okay. Off with you now. Click the linky and get those entries in before 1/17/12!

http://thebookbasement.blogspot.com/2011/12/200-follower-giveaway.html

Super Awesomesauce Giveaway!!

2011-12-20T16:57:00.000-08:00

http://booksobsession.blogspot.com/2011/12/end-of-year-madness-giveaway.html

Hurry over to Books Obsession to enter Ashley's End of Year Madness Giveaway!! There will
be not one, not two but SEVENTEEN FREAKIN' WINNERS ... if that's not book love, I dunno
what is ;D

Puppies Happy Birthday Giveaway!!

2011-12-11T01:44:00.000-08:00

Melissa over at Books and Things is co-hosting one of the nicest giveaways EVER!

http://melissawatercolor.blogspot.com/2011/12/puppies-happy-birthday-giveaway.html

As a fellow animal lover, I think this is a wonderful idea and hope you will agree. Please take a minute to visit her blog and read/enter her giveaway.

And I'd like to add a few thoughts of my own here: While animals suffer & starve year 'round, winter is an especially difficult time for most of God's innocent creatures. Please take the time to feed & water a stray, throw out stale bread and such for the birds, feed corn for squirrels, donate or support a NO-KILL Shelter in your area, etc etc. Any kindness you can offer will mean so much more than you will ever know.

Furthermore, please make an effort to become *brand* aware by reading the backs of cosmetics, hair-colorings, make-up, shampoo [all health & beauty aid items] to ONLY purchase those that are cruelty-free! Most of us have NO idea the large-scale suffering brought about by unnecessary laboratory testing. It would really shame most of us if we had the slightest inkling how our vanity has brought about horrendous mistreatment of helpless creatures. Ugh!! [and epic fail!] So please, PLEASE familiarize yourself with how and where you spend your dollars.

I love you all, and love *for all* is our only saving grace, folks. God Bless!!

Holly Zombie Giveaway!!

2011-12-06T14:02:00.000-08:00

Oooh, don't you just love giveaways?

And don't you just LOVE zombies?

Better yet, don't you just love X ten ZOMBIE GIVEAWAYS?!?

MUST ENTER AT E.VAN'S SITE AND TELL HIM M.A.D. SENT YA!! CLICK HERE TO GO DIRECTLY TO THE E-MAN!

Info from E.Van Lowe's site:

Happy Holidays Everyone. T’is the season to be zombie. To kick it off I am sponsoring a Holly Zombie Giveaway. I am giving away a swag bag filled with goodies any serious zombie aficionado is going to want to own. The contest starts today, December 9th and ends next Friday, December 16th. There are six additional bloggers co-hosting the extravaganza.

On the 17th E.Van will place all the entries into a fishbowl and draw the winner. The six bloggers have a chance to win as well. The one who signs up the most contestants will win a special prize. If you'd like to help a blogger win, leave a comment on my blog letting me know they sent you. I will post the winning blogger along with the winning contestant on the 19th.I promise you this is an awesome gift bag. You are not going to want to miss out on it. So scroll down and check it out.Merry Christmas to all and to all a good bite!

The goodies include:

My Uncle Enoch's 1964 Zombie High, High School Year Book: This is an authentic yearbook with blood spattered pages filled with photos of the graduating class, the faculty, and of course all the teams--including the track team who had the distinction of not completing one meet the entire season. If you have any friends or family members who attended Zombie High, this is for you.

That's Not Your Mommy Anymore: Matt Mogk's illustrated children's book is a favorite at bedtime in my house because it explains to the little ones--in colored illustrations and verse--what to do when mommy starts acting strange.

Zombie Water or Juice Bottle: You can work up a tremendous thirst battling zombies. This zombie green water bottle is perfect for the zombie fighter who wants to quench his thirst and look the part while doing it.

Autographed copy of Never Slow Dance With A Zombie--this special edition autographed copy comes with a hand written Christmas greeting from the author. Any true zombie lover will want to add this to their collection of zombie paraphernalia.

Three Never Slow Dance With A Zombie Bookmarks-- Why three? Because when you're reading while fighting zombies it's easy to lose your place. Duh!

Zombie Love Button-- If you can't beat em join em. Sport this zombie pin while roaming among the zombie hordes to let them know you're not looking for a fight and would love to hang onto your braiins.

Zombie Love men's large TeeShirt--A zombie attack can come at any time--even while you're sleeping. Wear this tee shirt to bed so if you are ever dragged from your sleep by a band of marauding zombies, they will know you are a lover not a fighter.

Never Slow Dance With A Zombie Tote—Tired of carrying around all your zombie fighting gear in your hands? This stylish tote is perfect for carrying around all your gear and at the same time letting everyone know that you would Never Slow Dance With A Zombie.

This giveaway is available internationally

The rules to enter are simple:

Everyone can have up to five entries. here's how.

you must sign up for my newsletter at http://evanlowe.com/ The sign up link is in the left hand column on the home page.

bonus entry if you also sing up for my blog (1 entry)

bonus II follow me on twitter (1 entry)

bonus III Like my Facebook Fan Page (1 entry)

bonus iV leave a comment on my blog telling me on whose blog you discovered the contest. (1 entry)

For those of my fans who have already done these, leave a comment on my blog and you will automatically have 5 entries.

AGAIN, HURRY ON OVER TO E.VAN'S SITE AND DON'T FORGET TO SIGN UP FOR HIS AWESOME-POSSUM NEWSLETTER.

CLICK HERE TO ENTER

CLICK HERE TO SUBSCRIBE TO HIS NEWSLETTER

Not one but TWO Lucky winners for Bedbugs!!

2011-11-29T15:13:00.000-08:00

As a little surprise [heh heh] I would like to announce that there are not one, but TWO lucky winners of my Bedbugs giveaway!! See, I'm tricky that way ;D

I actually had TWO brand new drool-worthy copies of Ben Winter's amazing book up under my sleeve [which sounds way better/less traumatic than saying I had multiple bedbugs under my sleeve ... buh jankity].

So without further ado [translates to mean I'm lazy today] the winners are:

TIFFANY DREW and ELI SQUARED!!!!!!!!

Congrats gals and I hope you enjoy this terrific horror yarn :D
I'll be emailing you soon for your mailing address and PLEASE respond within 72 hours or I'll be hunting up a new winner.

For the rest of you, seriously - if you haven't read Bedbugs yet then you are missing a real treat, as I loved it X 10.

Okay, it's cold, nasty, windy, gloomy fixin' to snow/sleet/other crap and I just want to huddle up with a cup of hot chocolate/nap/watch Christmas movies. I love you guys.
The End.

HURRY Epic Giveaway!!

2011-11-26T15:56:00.000-08:00

There is one majorly awesome giveaway going on for ONLY THREE DAYS!!
It's called the Paranormal Turkey Tour - you can get the deets here at vvb32reads

AND, because the contest is ALSO set up so that bloggers with comments can win prizes, too, ... I'm asking BIG TIME for you to PLEASE go and leave a comment on Velvet's posting for this tres sweet giveaway tour!!

YOU MUST HURRY! So head on over to Velvet's , READ the giveaway post, COMMENT and then go enter for yourself as well!

Good luck to everybody & remember I *heart* you :)

Have You Ever Been Tempted to ...

2011-11-25T17:22:00.001-08:00

... walk up to a complete stranger, like in the middle of Wal-Mart, point a finger half a centimeter from his nose and repeat saying "Not touching, not touching, not touching"???

Me, neither. [heh heh heh]

True story: Once I made the mistake of going shopping with my adult son and one of his evil friends. And the mall was like seriously packed wall to wall with shoppers. All of whom were strangers to me [thank GOD]. Because as soon as we were all standing in this hugely long line to pay for our crap [important purchases no one could live without], my son's evil friend begins tugging on my shirt sleeve WHILE LOOKING AT THE STRANGE MAN STANDING NEXT TO US IN LINE AND LOUDLY ASKING, "Mom, MOM!! Is that my DAD? Huh, is it?? Is that my DAD???!!"

... ^%$#@

Everybody else [except the strange man, of course] began laughing hard enough to wet themselves. I don't know what I did, because my mind is really awesome about erasing things too awful to remember.

Hey. I just thought of something I've been meaning to share, real quick here. Okay. You know how you're usually stressed and in a hurry while holiday shopping? I mean, we all are, right? And you know how crappy the weather gets like the two days before Christmas? Wind, snow, sleet, monsoon, hurricane, fog, frost, freezing rain, etc? And how all that crappy weather makes us even MORE in a hurry, careless, cold, wet, scurrying around in dark, gloomy, slick, congested parking lots so we can get inside the stupid store and get the entire stupid shopping the hell over with??

Yeah, me, too. So here's the dealio. Instead of hurrying to get INSIDE the store where it's all warm and brightly lit and festive and the scent of eggnog & cinnamon is enough to make your eyes start watering, etc blah blah blah ... what you want to do INSTEAD is casually stroll around OUTSIDE, in the creepy parking lot, and keep your eyes peeled on the ground for all the money that everyone ELSE is dropping in their hurry to get the hell inside and get the whole shopping thing over with.

Granted. You could get mugged and/or arrested for skulking around the parking lot like some creepy nutjob, but just THINK of all the $$$ you might find laying on the ground, or where the wind had blown it up against the fence/side of building!!!

If anybody has the nerve to do this let me know how things work out.
Ps. If anything I've mentioned is illegal then I was just kidding.
The End.

Buffet Pants from the 7th Circle of Hell and Why is Everyone Trying to Kill Me?

2011-11-25T07:44:00.000-08:00

Whether you know or care, as a woman gets older her metabolism tends to slow down. Life is all cute and exciting until you reach the age where it takes all damn day to burn off the calories in a stupid pickle. By calculating yesterday's homemade noodles, squaring the stuffing times pumpkin pie and rounding off to the nearest caloric integer - it seems that I will be *working off* Thanksgiving dinner until the sun is a cold, frozen chunk of charcoal and all life as we know it has ceased to exist. Possibly roaches, rats and the IRS may somehow manage to survive, but the rest of us will be screwed.

I love how family members dress up in their Sunday-best for Thanksgiving. You've never seen so many bows & belts and dress shirts and A-line skirts in your entire life. It's like J.C. Penney threw up in the dining room.

Not me. I'm the pariah in buffet pants with the elastic waist [?] band. I know what's coming. I also know that cranberry sauce is impossible to get out of any fabric known to man, and that the sodium content in gravy will make your feet swell up like zeppelins if you're naive enough to wear heels.

I also know that every other female on God's green earth gains weight in their bust, except me. Frankly, I'm starting to get a little bitter about this and furthermore I hate you all.

Just kidding. Not.

NOW today I get up, well rested and basking in the warm glow of candied yams whose beta-keratin content has lended the blush of youth to my otherwise pale & waxen cheeks, only to discover that somewhere between midnight and 9 a.m. that the entire friggin' blogging community has exploded with about 8 freakazillion damn giveaways/hops/memes/tours and who knows what else 'cos it's not even noon yet.

Seriously.

Someone is trying to kill me. SOMEONE knows that Mary Ann is just crazy enough to actually try to do it all. Really. I will. Like the book-addicted freak that I am, I will totally sit at this stupid computer [desktop no less] until my wrists go numb with some terminal form of advanced carpal tunnel-bridge syndrome and my butt cheeks look like two pizza boxes shoved down the back of my [buffet] pants. Ha friggin' ha.

As someone who is full-blooded, second generation Irish I would like here to point out that MY ancestors - the same people who got drunk on potato-beer and then stumbled around the moors seeing leprechauns and water sprites and getting their asses handed to them by every Fae who copped a *bad attitude* - THESE people were not exactly known for rational thought. Therefore I accept no responsibility for my actions. It's all in the blood, you know what I'm sayin'?

Thank God I've got plenty of smokes and a fresh, chilled 2-ltr of fully caffeinated Diet Mtn. Dew to see me through the day. And if that sounds unhealthy to the rest of you granola-gnashing grunts, I can play the *health* statistics game, too.

For example. Take squirrels. Squirrels eat really healthy squirrel-type food like nuts n' shit. Last I knew, squirrels do NOT smoke, imbibe caffeine nor eat chocolate every damn chance they get. They also do not wear buffet pants.

And yet. Brace yourself. MORE squirrels than people died last year. I know, I know. It truly is mind blowing when you look the facts square in the face, but I think I'm onto something here. Either that or my meds are kicking in.

Whatevs.

No, seriously. Kinda sorta. Heart disease runs like REALLY rampant in my birth family. Out of 17 siblings, no lie [you can't make this type of stuff up. I know. I've tried.] - out of my large, Irish family at least half have died - DROPPED FRIGGING DEAD, to be accurate - from major heart attacks. Many were UNDER the age of 40. Our dad, too. Dropped stone cold at age 5o.

Now, some of my siblings who died were healthy, slim, non-smokers. Some took care of their bodies and some did not. Obviously, we are talking heredity here. Before menopause hit [like a train wreck], I was a small size 4 who walked miles every day. I'm still a vegan, and generally avoid fatty, greasy foods because I plain do not care for the taste of buttery, oily, fried food [gag] but between my meds and menopause I've gained a ton of weight. It sucks, for real. And I WANT to get the weight back off. And I WILL, when I'm damned good and ready [or I've run out of buffet pants].

But I've also, not fatalistically, but realistically, come to realize that quality beats quantity hands down. I might live into my 80's like my birth mother, or I might die early like one of my sisters who dropped dead in her home at age 41.

But I won't be scared into changing my life, or what makes me happy. Today it makes me happy to be a smart-ass, caffeine guzzling middle-aged nutcase. Tomorrow I might be happy on a new health kick. I know myself, and I'm quite versatile/eccentric/easily bored. I like to try new things, to think outside the box, and to thumb my nose at the ever-changing statistics constantly shoved down our collective throats.

I also believe the mind is the real captain of the ship, so to speak. I've seen/experienced a lot of weird-ass shit in my life and I'm still trying to figure things out [Mongo like weird]. I also think that what will kill us is what we BELIEVE will kill us. Hence the success of death wishes in particular and the placebo effect in general.

Basically, I dislike convention for convention's sake. And before I'm done being serious for today, I want to add that I sincerely love each and every one of you. I'm thankful for the time I have on this fubar of a planet, and the incredible souls it has been my pleasure to meet. So do what you will and enjoy your gift of life. Make each day special, in some crazy ass way, even if it means going commando under your Liz Claiborne or putting an elaborate hex on your credit card company. Try wearing the same color to work for an entire week/month/year and see how long it takes people to notice. Talk in the third person to telemarketers on the phone, or begin every sentence with "according to prophecy" [we've actually some of the above and it's GREAT].

Laugh all you can and treasure the ride, folks. And give thanks for every goofy minute. ;D

Saturday Salami

2011-11-12T11:00:00.000-08:00

Today I'd like to take a moment to quietly reflect on those books which have reminded me of a salami. Or a salamander. Or a salamander WITH a salami, which is something most people refuse to discuss in polite society. In fact, since some of us here may consider themselves *polite society*, perhaps it's best after all not to discuss those incredible, magnificent, best-selling salami books period.

Which is a darn shame, but who am I to flout convention? [I don't know why my mind works like this].

Whatevs.

But I would like to take a moment to sincerely thank all the brilliant people who have decided to throw caution to the wind by signing up to *follow/stalk* me. It's pretty pathetic I've had to beg/bribe some of you with book giveaways, as I'd like to think I'm above such pettiness and desperate measures [I'm not]. If you have signed up to follow me in the naive expectation of being privy to thoughtful book reviews, cozy author interviews, and daily memes - you deserve my deepest sympathy. And flaming worms in your bed. I mean, seriously - do I look like I've got that kind of time??? As if you'd know because I haven't posted my picture yet on this stupid profile/about me thingamajig because I'm a very busy person/blog-challenged who can't even get the stupid text to properly line up and I can barely remember to use spell check, so do you REALLY think I'm gonna do all that other crap when I can't even post my stupid picture [which by the way is so beyond beautiful X 10 that it would make the rest of you insanely jealous and leave you feeling like yesterday's cat yak - just sayin']. [Takes a deep breath and a slug of Dt. Mtn Dew straight from the 2-litre bottle which is, I'm happy to say, chilled to perfection!] ...
SO it's not like there's not a milliongazillionsextillion OTHER bloggers out there who really are dedicated and hardworking and take this whole blogging thing uber-seriously ... but I am not one of them.

Mwha ha ha ha
And your little dog, too!

No, really. I'm older than Satan's slippers and I didn't get to this point in my life by bowing to convention and ironing my pillowcases and saving orange peels to make potpourri. Listen, I've paid my dues and now that I'm a [beautiful X infinity] middle aged gal I say to hell it. And guess what???
I'm gonna eat Hershey miniatures for LUNCH. Straight out of the bag. Maybe later today I'll turn on every light in the house and stand there with the refrigerator door wide open.

Oh, by the way. You'll love this. Did you know that according to a recent scientific study nearly all Mensa members confessed to hiding their YA books inside the covers of Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Quantum Particles But Were Afraid to Ask and 1,001 Ways to Build a Space Station Using Old Coffee Grinds and Twistie Ties?

Me, neither.

The End.

Review - The Dishonored Dead by Robert Swartwood

2011-11-07T08:38:00.000-08:00

The Dishonored Dead by Robert Swartwood
RMS Press
Pub. Aug. 13, 2011
ISBN 9781463736286

Description from the back cover: In a not-so-distant future, the world has devolved and most of the population has become the animated dead. Those few that are living are called zombies. They are feared and must be hunted down and destroyed.

My opinion: The Dishonored Dead is one of the most sobering, and perhaps grimmest, zombie books I have ever read. Given the author's meticulous attention to detail, the reader is able to suspend disbelief and as the story unfolds, the events become all too real.

In a world where imagination is illegal and, as part of school curriculum, all children are required to play a video game called Henry the Hunter for two hours each and every day, where the winners are the dead who have re-written history to justify the continual slaughter of the *zombies* - those unfortunate humans desperate to hold onto life in the face of nearly insurmountable odds - in this world of black & white the reader quickly comes to see exactly how destructive bias & prejudice are to the human race, and to what ends people will blindly follow the status quo given enough *encouragement* by their peers to do so.

On the surface level, we are introduced to the son of the greatest *zombie* hunter of all time, Conrad. Conrad's wife Denise is pregnant with twins, while his young son Kyle is quickly approaching a critical developmental phase where the boy will either turn *zombie* or remain normal. Should the unthinkable occur and Kyle become one of them, it will be his father's painful duty to destroy his own flesh and blood.

But as the story opens with zombie hunter Conrad hesitating during a routine kill, the simplistic ideal of Us vs Them becomes painfully skewed and slowly unravels as deeper questions are brought to bear. At what point does the price of status quo become too high to pay? Conrad's son Kyle becomes pivotal to the evolution of his father's world view.

As I mentioned, the author's amazing attention to detail lends overwhelming realism to the story. For example, Conrad and Denise sit in the existing room. It's little touches like these that consistently build a world both plausible as well as frightening.

In my opinion, The Dishonored Dead is a book that should not be missed. Aside from the entertainment value that such a twist in expectations provides, readers will immediately be drawn into the machinations that keep a herd, a society in check. And is the unity a herd achieves by agreeing upon a common enemy worth having in the first place? It doesn't seem so when the enemy has a face, and the face is that of one's own child.

Ruthless. Brutally honest. That's how I'd describe The Dishonored Dead. I loved it and highly recommend. And being a discriminating hard-core zombie fan, this one's a keeper. It's definitely got a permanent home on my bookshelves.

Giveaway - Bring home Bedbugs for Thanksgiving!!

2011-11-06T10:54:00.000-08:00

WIN A BRAND NEW COPY OF BEDBUGS FOR THANKSGIVING!!

Seriously, I love Ben Winters. Anyone who's already familiar with Sense, Sensibility and Sea Monsters knows he rocks as an author. His latest little gem - Bedbugs - is one of those horror stories that creeps up on you, bit [bite?] by bit until you find yourself still awake at 2 a.m. determined to finish the book. Cos you gotta. Know what I mean?

Anyhoo - thanks to Eric at Quirk Books I've got a pristine copy for one lucky winner.

Here's the deets:

USA ONLY. Sorry guys, but until I win the damn lottery I'm poor as a mouse. Believe me, I'd make this world wide if I could afford to. Stupid postage $$$.

Contest is open from NOW until Thanksgiving and will close to entries at 11:59 pm on Thanksgiving - November 24, 2011.

All I ask is that you follow me publicly in Google Friend Connect. That's it. Not much to ask in the grand scheme of things, eh?

To enter, leave a comment on THIS post with your first name/alias & email addy so I can contact the winner. ALSO leave your GFC name so I can verify you as a follower.

And per your comment, something besides the generic *thanks* would be nice. In fact, since I'm poor and really DO need to win the lottery, comment with your favorite LUCKY NUMBER [S].

So again: USA ONLY, GFC FOLLOW, NAME/ADDY & LUCKY NUMBER[S].

Not too hard or time consuming. Forget buttons, tweets, hops, skips, dingles and all the rest. No hoops to jump through here [... for NOW. heh heh heh].

Hurry and enter. You know you want some of this. ;D

Friday Crap

2011-11-03T22:10:00.000-07:00

Sooooo. Happy Friday follow free hop tour TGIF or whatever the hell meme today is supposed to be called. Like I'd know [or care].

I've got half a dozen books I must get read & reviewed, and because they're each so yummy, I've read a little here, a little there, of all six books - so of course they've all run together and now I really should start over. Yup. Start. Over. Do any of the rest of you guys do this? Do you get so curious you've just GOT to check out that new book soon as you get it, even if you have other book[s] in process? And then you forget who's doing what with whom and where they did it at???

[silence. insert sound of crickets.]

Truth, I have been trimming out & painting window sills all week long. If anybody else thinks they need to do this, hurry and stick your head in a pail of ice water until the urge passes. Because next to at-home appendectomies, this is about the suckiest chore in the entire solar system.

I dunno why, but my windows have about a zillion parts - there's the outer, then the middle, then the stupid inner frame thingy. And as you've got to clean all these grooves out, I use hot hot water & PineSol so now the skin on my hands has all the youthful appearance of a sand-blasted soup cracker.

We're doing 7 windows, by the damn way, so this is no cutesy project. Then, after scrubbing everything to the point you've nearly asphyxiated yourself on cleaning fumes, we've had to measure & saw the composite board to frame these bastards in with. And no two windows have the *exact* same stupid measurements.

It's like being in the 7th circle of hell if the 7th circle of hell had windows. Which it probably does and if I don't quit being a little stinker all the time there's a good chance of me finding out. :P

Anyfreakingway. [Are we fascinated with my window rant yet?]
So THEN I've got to caulk all the seams, edges, grooves, etc because we live in the Midwest where the weather changes every three seconds so you've got lots of moisture & high humidity blah blah blah and if you DON'T caulk your damn windows you'll get mold on the sills like you read about.

After going thru nearly eight tubes of caulk this week, I can safely say that I've become quite proficient at handling *caulk* [heh heh heh] Except, if you're not careful, you'll get that white crap all over your hands [we are still talking about *caulk* here no matter what your pervy little mind says. CAULK.

Okay. Next step, after the white stuff dries, is to paint the whole stupid thing with lots & lots of white enamel paint - which looks brilliantly beautiful and fresh, except where the cat hair has drifted into the paint. We have two [2] cats, one gray and the other heathen is black. We do not have any white cats, which is a darn shame as then the stray floating cat hairs would blend in and add a tiny bit of texture to the freshly painted window sills.

Instead I've got to stop what I'm doing, carefully pick any loose hairs back out of the paint, which leaves gouges along the sills so that you have to go back and RE-paint, which is hard to do as enamel paint is thick, sticky, viscous & other annoying stuff that makes it almost impossible to re-smooth.

I forgot to mention that at some point in the festivities I've had to remove the screens and open the windows all the way and let the paint air dry, so of course the cats see an open window and are busily trying to launch themselves out the windows when they think nobody's looking or I've left the room for five minutes to go pee or to find a rope to hang myself with.

I've tried distracting the furballs with treats & catnip, but they act like they're so mistreated and are probably putting Peta on speed-dial as we speak [type].

So that's the dealio. If you came here in the vain and misguided notion that there'd be something interesting about books, you are totally SOL.
1) Books are good
2) Read them
3) Sometimes there are pictures

There. Happy now?

Zombie Show[Off]case 11/1/11

2011-10-31T22:23:00.000-07:00

Mwha ha ha ha ...

Lookie here at what I got! My beloved BF treated me to a splurge at Barnes & Noble {AND lunch at The Olive Garden!} yesterday. What makes this especially awesome is that - with Borders/Walden's closure - we have no book stores within *gasp* an hour's drive, so talk about going out of your way to treat your sweetie right. ;D

I was like a kid in a candy store. No, worse. Because most kids know how to behave. Unlike me who stumbled & lurched through the aisles, oblivious to other shoppers, my mouth hung open with drool slithering down my chin, all wide-eyed and in some kind of weird book lover's trance.

All those shelves teeming with HUNDREDS of tempting, alluring, beckoning book covers leering out at me, taunting me, begging me to take them home.

WHEEEEEEEEE! No problem.

And, this will come as no surprise to anyone except maybe the guy who works the graveyard shift at a paperbag factory in Kalamazoo, but ... I finally settled on ZOMBIE BOOKS!!!!!!!! *facepalm*

heh heh heh

Oh, yeahs. Not only did I manage to sniff out a copy of World War Z, but I also snagged a new release - Dark Inside. See, who's the (wo)man NOW?!? Don't tell, but I started WWZ last night, and it is so magnificently well written that I recommend it to everybody [except that weird guy in Kalamazoo]. If you haven't bought/read it yet, go sit in the corner. I mean this.

AND

today I received one of the coolest gift wins EH-ver. My sweet blogging peep Velvet over at vvb32reads sent me these Zombie Magnets! You can *arrange* the zombie corpse any way you like ... which is especially cool if you have teenagers who are always standing in front of the refrigerator with the door wide open. Next time when you yell at the kids to shut the ^%$#@! door, and tell them that if they'd been home for supper they wouldn't be raiding the frig at 10pm, and they get all offended & pissy like they always do, and slam the refrigerator door shut, and the zombie magnets fall on the floor ... heck, you can just grab them up and put them back on the door any old way, all jumbled up or whatever, and ... they'll still LOOK GOOD. 'Cos they're zombie parts. Get it? :O

It sure beats stupid fruit or little magnets shaped like notepads or bears or angels or bear angels eating fruit. I dunno, but anyway these are pretty damn awesome and everybody should put them on their refrigerator then maybe we'd have world peace or something, or a cure for athlete's foot.

I've got to quit drinking so much caffeine before bed]

Anyhoo, check out the pictures which won't line up with the stupid text because I can't figure out how to make my posts look all nice & professional like the rest of you people.

BUT AT LEAST I GOT SOME ZOMBIE LOVE GOING ON :D

I win.

Monsters and Mirrors

2011-10-30T06:04:00.000-07:00

Whether or not one believes in monsters, per se - there is undoubtedly something lurking beyond our five senses that has given rise to a variety of legends, myths and belief systems, all of which point to a genuine phenomena, one that almost defies categorization.

The science of Yoga [Yogi] sums up the phenomena quite nicely: Self or Other. For that is where the line becomes blurred, are we creating our monsters via some quantum process of the human psyche? Or do they exist independent of our focus?

One of the most fascinating areas of study is that of The Tulpa. Tulpas, essentially, are energetic constructs stemming from the accidental or deliberate focusing of the human thought process. Once these *energetic constructs* acquire enough energy to become self-sustaining, they then *break away* from their creator. For whatever reason, once freed from their maker, they tend to devolve into a fairly malicious and unpleasant creature.

At this point, the human *parent* of the Tulpa, usually decides to nullify or re-absorb his creation, which - as Yogis, Shamans, Wisemen, Tibetans and various others all attest - is a very exhausting and difficult feat to accomplish, taking a great amount of concentration over a protracted period of time to successfully achieve. Tulpas are not taken lightly by the cultures who believe in their existence, and they are nothing to play around with.

However. In much the same spirit of Tulpa manifestation are some famous experiments with psychics & mediums who, through various means - the Ouija board being but one - deliberately set out to *create* out of seeming thin air, their own version of this mysterious energetic being. One such famous experiment is called Phillip - where a group of researchers set out to focus their energy as a group, going so far as to set up a fictionalized biography of this *Phillip*, and, in essence, bring this tulpa to life. At least through the mediumship of the Ouija board. And it was an extremely successful, if not disconcerting, experiment. Google it sometime to learn more, if you're interested.

Which takes us to perhaps the most misunderstood *psychic* toy of all - the Ouija board or spirit board or talking board, etc etc etc. What these things are is merely an ideometer, an object which gives the subconscious mind free reign to creatively present itself, somewhat bypassing the normal *control system* of the left brain or conscious [ego] user.

Ideometers have been used successfully for millenia by a host of practitioners for a host of reasons. In modern times, ideometers have even been used to help facilitate communication with individuals suffering from conditions such as Autism, or those whose left brains have received damage.

Here are a few crucial things to keep in mind regarding the ideometer effect:
One) When resorting to the use of any type of ideometer, one must fully recognize that the only demons one encounters are those drummed up by one's subconscious mind. As above, so below.
Two) The subconscious mind, or right brain, is the seat of creativity, emotions and operates via a system of symbols, metaphor and allegory. To take the subconscious mind literally is a mistake, because it does NOT have the ability to be *literal minded*.
Three) The subconscious mind seems to process information at a significantly faster speed than the waking, conscious mind. That is the reason why humans have the ability to *surprise themselves*, because we are not just ONE mind, but TWO. The silent mind - the right brain - has been linked to stigmata, telekinesis, poltergeists, hauntings, etc ... all of which point toward a lively, energetic and often expressive mental *partner*.
Four) The subconscious mind is also the *passive* partner. In the early years of mankind's evolution, the subconscious mind had a more equal footing with the left brain. Before the advent of reading and writing - left brain functions - the human ego was guided by instinct, voices, intuitions et al [see Human bicameral mind]. But, as reading, writing and other left brain functions became more frequently utilized, the right brain became relegated to a lesser position. It became subjugated by the strengthening left brain.
Five) The subconscious & right brain do not have the ability to say *no*. As we consciously think, the subconscious goes right along with our thoughts. It's as if we are *programming* our minds ... when we consciously think or believe something, our subconscious takes us at our word and *manifests* our thoughts. This is one reason why, when someone is faced with illness or disease, it is so vitally important to watch one's thoughts, to only have positive thoughts, for as we think, there we go. Or, as we sow, so shall we reap.

Therefore, when it comes to monsters, how many are truly of our own making? The same, in all fairness, can be said of angels.

But the crucial common denominator to all these paranormal happenstances, seems to be not so much SELF as opposed to other, but rather [and this is an important, if at first difficult concept to wrap one's head around] that the human mind is acting upon some type of energetic template which produces the desired [or undesired] effects which we then once again react upon.

It's like gazing into a hall of mirrors. We see our reflections, but don't recognize them for what they are, so we ALSO think & react to these reflections, which serves to validate and underpin the original concept or belief.

It's this thought - action - REaction process that has us all in a quandary. To put it more simply, it seems to go like this:
My conscious left brain ego has a thought - carpeting holds bacteria, stinks and is dirty.
My subconscious mind hears this thought, and - via the placebo effect - causes my body to react negatively when I'm around carpeting.
My conscious left brain ego gets more & more sickly when exposed to carpeting, which only serves to FURTHER the original belief, which in turn reinforces the impression my subconscious makes upon my body, which in turn ... you get the idea. We are chasing our own tails. Or, you could say - the tail wags the dog. Same diff.

But, as fascinating or not as all this left/right brain stuff is, the real mystery is who or what exactly is the *mirror*? What is the silly putty, or template, or energetic fabric that our minds are interfacing or interacting with? And, to put it bluntly, this *template* seems to be amoral, meaning that it really doesn't prefer good over bad, health over illness, etc. It makes no moral judgment or distinction, it has no preference period. It's JOB is simply to be what it is - which seems to be some kind of universal medium that reflects the eye of the beholder.

High strangeness indeed, Horatio.

I think perhaps the most interesting monster of all, is what the Arabics call the *Jinn* or Djin or genies. They are ethereal, insubstantial, and best of all ... their wish, their duty is simply to *serve*. In other words, they reflect our thoughts, desires, fears & dreams back to us.

To me, for I've thought and studied the paranormal for decades - and when I say studied I mean just that - the most amazing thing about our monsters, whether real or imagined, is that they subtly change over time, as do we. As we grow and mature as a species or individual, so must they. And not just in some kind of quasi-scientific archetypical sense.

As we improve, so do our reflections.

What I'm sincerely curious about is the nature of the universal mirror. What happens when we reach *end game*? What happens when we finally realize the only monsters were those of our own creation? What happens when we recognize the template for what it is? What will our minds create a million years from now?

Better yet, what would our experience, our beliefs in life be if we weren't so divided in our own beings? If not for the corpus callosum - that thick band of nerves which separates our cerebrum into two majorly distinct parts - how would our minds continue to evolve? Would the dichotomy that rules our thinking disappear? Would we no longer view the world as good vs bad, up vs down, female vs male, left vs right and so on and so on.

Would the line of demarcation, both physical as well as intellectual, cease to exist? I'm really curious.

Do new and unimagined monsters wait in the future's shadow? I kinda hope so, for I'm damn near bored with the old ones ;D

Sunday Sloth and Mailbox Stuff

2011-10-23T14:55:00.000-07:00

Whatever.

So, like there's all these epic Halloween, October, Spooky, Creepy and so forth hops & giveaways going on all over the entire freaking internet. *Suh-WEET*

The downside is I've barely moved my butt out of this lumpy computer chair in - what feels like - days. I've lost feeling from the knees down. And I don't recall the last time I blinked. Is this bad?

Screw health. Gotta get me some book *love* going on :D

At this point in the game, as long as my hands can grasp the mouse and I can see to type, we're all good. I can clean & eat & bathe later [November looks promising].

Anybody else get like this?

AND ... as tomorrow is Monday, all the productive members of the blogging community are busily posting their mailbox memes like the internet's going out of style. Actually, I should do that as well because I got some real treasures in the ol' mailbox last week.

I should take pictures of all the yummy books & ARCs, then write a nice long post to go with. Yes, indeed. I should do that...

... as soon as Hell freezes over I'll get right on it. Seriously, there's so many groovy giveaways going on right now that, to be honest, my own greed and book pleasure has to come first. Just kidding, kinda sorta.

Good thing all my kids are grown and can fend for themselves - unlike my beloved whiny cats that stand stock-still in front of the refrigerator like they're expecting the Lion King to pop out for a personal appearance.

That would be so kewl.

Anyhoo, so like Happy Sunday/Monday and all that. Hope your weekend was great and your week will prove even better.

Now, forget supper and get busy entering all these contests in the blogosphere. Your family can suck on ice-cubes while they wait, tell them it's the latest diet fad from Hollywood and guaranteed to turn excess body fat into genuine gold nuggets. If they're smarter than they look, turn on the oven and throw in an onion - it'll trick them into thinking you've made a meatloaf or something.

This is Commander Slug signing off.

Commander Slug & Company

2011-10-21T20:03:00.000-07:00

Maybe not hell, but certainly the path to obscurity is paved with really, really good intentions. And that's where I am. Snug in my ratty-old flannel jammies, with a chipped mug full of steaming hot chocolate and an empty Snickers wrapper crowding up my workspace. A cigarette burns in the ashtray while the furnace kicks on intermittently, sending spirals of heat and curling ribbons of smoke dancing toward the ceiling.

I really should be doing something meaningful. I meant to write a review, or a long-winded intellectual post, or even a short-winded post filled with snarky observations.

Something. Anything but what I'm actually doing which is taking it easy and enjoying my
obscurity.

Call it a wild guess, but I don't think this is the path toward fame and fortune. Maybe it's the jammies. Don't know, don't care. In fact, I think I will thoroughly thumb my nose at productivity by signing off and playing a rousing game of Plants Vs Zombies.

Question: When you guys feel like lounging around and being a slug, what - besides reading, of course - do you do? What are your secret vices?

AND ...

2nd Question: If you're lounging around when you read this, what is it that you feel like you should be doing instead?

This is your Commander Slug signing off.

Zombie Book Giveaway at E.Van Lowe's Place!

2011-10-20T21:24:00.000-07:00

Anybody up for a SIGNED *drool* copy of E.Van Lowe's Never Slow Dance With a Zombie??

Then shuffle your butts on over to E.Van's and complete his Hollyweird Tuesday Trivia Challenge!

Tell him Commander Slug sent you! [okay, you can forego that last one ... but still]
heh heh heh

Giant-Punk, anyone?

2011-10-20T04:08:00.000-07:00

The other evening my mind was tripping through different ideas concerning plots, genre, character names, etc etc. And as I was thinking on the different flavors of *punk* - e.g. steam, cyber, bug punk - I came up with the idea of Giants being utilized as the primary source of power, as opposed to, say, steam.

Without bothering to Google the term, as I don't particularly care to be any more disheartened than I already am this week by discovering 75 people already came up with the same idea and successfully, at that - I've continued to play with this in my head.

Imagine a race of *controlled/enslaved* giants completely utilized by Victorian society. Can't you see a behemoth bracing a bridge across his back, or straining in place to support a skytower? Or pulling a train full of well-bred ladies n' gents across the endless plains?

The more I thought along these lines, the better I honed the concept, the further this picture crystallized in my mind.

Then I thought, by what means are these giants kept subdued and complacently performing their tasks? What are the risks, to society, if any? For it seems that no matter what power source is used, there are always inherent risks ... our own dependency on fossil fuels/combustion and nuclear energy being excellent cases in point. Therefore ... what is the risk factor this fictional society would leave itself open to. The giants, in a certain sense, would be metaphoric for the very real catastrophes we as a species are vulnerable to - that is, in the struggle to utilize vast powers barely held in check by the skin of our collective teeth.

So, besides the obvious hazards of an extremely large and potentially enraged behemoth throwing off his shackles and raining pandemonium on the heads of his Lilliputian captors - what other, perhaps more subtle issues would this fictional people face? What challenges to mores & ethics would divide such a society?

And as humans persist in being such dichotomous thinkers [everything pigeonholed as either yes/no, black/white, up/down, good vs evil], I cannot help but relay the plight of the giants to every other species mankind has somehow managed to bastardize for it's own purposes. No matter how necessary or higher minded, there is no escaping the fact that we have abused and misused the natural order of planet Earth.

Fortunately, or UNfortunately as it truly is, Rhesus monkeys and dairy cattle do not have the intellect or the physical might to free themselves from our dictates. Yet, what about this hypothetical race of giants? What would they do, what would their struggles be and how would they go about exacting revenge upon their captors?

So, no. I haven't and may not ever choose to Google Giant-Punk. I'm sure it's out there, somewhere. Which is a good thing as I'm likely too lazy to ever write such a piece. An idea and a dollar will perhaps buy a cup of coffee these days.

But while I'm thinking and typing away, here is where I'd like to confess that in my more serious moments I frequently turn to the subject, not of giants, but of mores & ethics. The social concensus that determines what is or is not acceptable and under what circumstances.

If one wants to be all-religious about the topic [which I don't], one can say that man was granted *dominion* over the Earth. Some interpret this to mean *guardianship*, but no matter how you slice it - we've done a deplorable job and frankly, I'm ashamed.

Most of us have no idea the far-reaching depth of pain and suffering that occurs in order to bring a meal to the table, or hair coloring/cosmetics to assuage our vanity. Furthermore, we don't want to know, for the knowledge would *taint* our enjoyment of many pleasures.

What is one to do, after all?

To take responsibility, would be my answer. To become a mature species, one that has discovered the means by which it may meet it's needs in harmony with nature. But it's so much easier to go with the flow, and leave such higher-minded efforts to our descendents - those lucky bastards [not].

So back to the theme of giants. Currently, as matters stand in the *real* world, the giants hold full sway - from Wall Street to the International Bankers to the Vatican to the media/superstars to the governments of 9/10ths of our planet's societies.

Egad. When did our basic, primitive *herd* instinct go so awry? How did the primary animal trait of herd behaviour ... alpha leadership, group consensus, mating and procreation ... how did and at what point did we allow such a mess to evolve into something most of us would change in a heartbeat if we only knew how?

Sadly, I think we - as much as the Victorians - allowed comfort and convenience to dictate our mores. We allowed others to think for us. It is a sad fact of life that, while all of us know stealing is wrong, we must have over 500 new laws created by a peer-elected body each and every YEAR to oversee the minitua of one very simple, very basic ideal.

Do no harm.

That's it, no magic, no minister, no president, no teacher, no god is required to enforce/coerce/justify this unbelieveably gentle truth. And yet ...

So that is where my mind wanders, in it's travels here and there. And here I sit, enjoying the comforts and convenience and technology placed before me. It's a strange game, here on planet Earth.

Sometimes, out of sheer boredom or intellectual masturbation, I try to envision what life/society might be like elsewhere in the vastness of the universe. And it is a mighty, mighty big place.

The mathematics of such scope and breadth fairly preclude that complex, intelligent life exists elsewhere. Will we, you and I, live long enough to see this verified? I don't know, but I'd like to hope.

Unless of course, something/someone bigger/faster/stronger/hungrier than we should show up someday claiming *dominion* over humanity. Wouldn't that be a real kicker?

The question begs, who really are the giants here? I imagine it's all a matter of perspective.

*** for some unknown reason, I can't get spell check to work. :P

Please PLEASE Vote!

2011-10-16T20:43:00.000-07:00

There is a terrific scary short story contest going on at:

http://alifeboundbybooks.blogspot.com/2011/10/haunted-halloween-2011-story-contest_16.html

My story is #6 Charlie The Clown [sounds innocent enough ... but just WAIT heh heh]

While I encourage you to read all the entries, I hope you will like my entry the best LOL
Winners will be chosen by votes ... so even if you DO happen to like a different story than
my dark creation, please do go and vote! :D

PS - if anybody is super sweet enough to mention this voting thing and post it on THEIR
blog with a link to the voting page ... I will beseech the Supreme Ruler of Bookdom that you receive a TON of good karma for your wonderful deed

Etcher in Silence

2011-10-15T18:06:00.000-07:00

"It should be kept in mind that not every apocalypse begins with a bang. According to the survivors of 2011, the apocalypse began with a whimper. Therefore, all men must remain vigilant lest the next round of sorrow commence with no sound at all."
History of the World, revised edition 2013. Page 46, Secretary of Defence.
***

Life, I was told, is a funny thing. I always took this to mean that events have an unexpected way of unfolding throughout the experience of an individual's lifetime.

Now, had I parents and a proper circle of friends, I would not be so guarded in my speech and most certainly not in my habits. Or, as the guidance counselor was overly fond of remarking - 'Lisa, you are not an ordinary girl'.

From this I presumed ordinary meant my spare time would revolve around boys, and clothes, and boys, makeup and giggling like a jackal, and, of course, boys. Ordinary did not include gravestone etchings or the poetry of Mr. Poe.

But life is a funny thing - as we have already seen fit to establish.

Death, however, has nothing humorous to recommend it. Death unfolds with uncanny precision. In fact, I would go so far to say that Death - with a capitol D - is quite the ordinary thing and comes to all in good time.

Death is sane, predictable and, unfortunately, boring as well.

In all the months I spent pursuing my *non-ordinary* habit of etchings gathered from cemetery markers around the countryside, I can firmly state that not once was there an ounce of anything supernatural to sully my endeavors.

No spectres or spooks, no chills traced along a bare arm, or hair suddenly on end. My ear received no whispers of misdeeds committed long ago. No warnings were given either - and for that I am somewhat mildly miffed.

For if there were any dead lingering about the placid countryside or meandering through the lonely fields of grain, they remained aloof and rather callous regarding the terror that was days from engulfing an entire planet.

Then again, maybe the dead know less than we the living, and therefore have nothing to say.

In conclusion: death is silent.

Dying, on the other hand, is a sly cacophony of sounds ... first there are the moans, and the slow shuffle of footsteps. Then comes the noise of shoes pounding on pavement, or bodies crashing through the fields and trampling of stalks. There are shrieks and cries, ... for some reason, though it does no good at all, the word 'no' is uttered over and over. As if a simple denial would suffice.

Sometimes there is pleading in the Name of God.

When they pulled him off the tractor, my stepfather denied them in God's name, and he an atheist until the last. God must have seen fit to turn a deaf ear, and I can't say I rightly blame Him, for what worth does hypocrisy hold?

***

I haven't much to say right now. I know Gunnar reads my notebook, he's practically admitted it. He called me 'Etcher' when he ordered me to wash his shirts. But that's better than getting hit, or pawed by one of the older punks in the group.

Tonight after lights out, I'll hide this under a rug or floorboard where Gunnar's too lazy to search. Then I will sneak away to wash my filthy hair. I don't want any of those boys looking at my body, so I only bathe when privacy is assured.

None of them are comfortable with going outside anymore.

But that's silly, the way they think they have everything figured out. It's just as safe inside as outside - which isn't at all.

The Dead have excellent hearing.

End of part 1

Fright Fest: Charlie the Clown

2011-10-14T19:55:00.000-07:00

Sideshows and carnivals used to be a big thing, real popular with the country folks during those long, lean years following the big Depression. And during this time there was a young boy whose daddy made his livin' as a sideshow clown. Also his grandaddy had done the same, it was a tradition in the boy's family, and everyone expected Charlie to follow in his sire's footsteps.

Bad thing is, - and not lots o' folks know this, or even do this kinda thing anymore - but professional clowns used to cut each side of their mouth clear back into the cheek, so's they could smile real big.

Naturally it left them scarred under all that white face paint, but I reckon everybody thought it was worth it.

Everybody except Charlie. He hated seeing his Pop without his paint on, looking all twisted and grinning even when he wasn't - with his molars exposed clear to the back of the mouth where the wet shadows are.

But rumor has it that Charlie's Pop wouldn't take no for an answer - if clowning was good enough for him, then it was darn well good enough for his son. So it happens that one day when Charlie's grandaddy come visiting, both the men grabbed hold of the boy and got down to business.

Neighbors said they could hear Charlie's screams clear across the field. Unfortunately, with Charlie screaming and wriggling and carrying on fit to be tied, his grandaddy slipped with the knife. I imagine the old man's hands were shaky, and probably sweating from gripping that straight razor so hard with a squirming kid, but what ever the case, the grandaddy's hand slipped right when he went to make the last cut.

You can just about picture what must have happened, if you think about it which I don't like to do. That poor boy crying and scared and hurtin' with blood running down his cheeks like a river. His face all carved up like a rump roast. Probably sent that kid clean outta his mind, don't you reckon?

Which is likely the reason Charlie slaughtered his family in their sleep all them years ago. Using the same straight razor they must've used on him.

In fact, we're standing, right now, in the room where it happened. You probably thought that was rust on them tiles, but I imagine that's blood. Now hold on, there ain't nothing to be scared of. This'd be a good farmhouse to buy, perfect for your growing family. I notice you got a young boy of your own.

Up in the attic, there's still some trunks up there with a few of Charlie's things, from before they packed him off to the asylum. Might even be some of his old toys, like a clown or two still there. That boy of yours like clowns?

Zombie Show[off]case - Titania

2011-10-14T17:21:00.000-07:00

Fellow zombie lover, Titania from Fishmuffins of Doom sent in these AH-mazing shots of her uber *drool-worthy* collection of z-reads.

Need I mention that I am frantically searching through this yummy pile of braaaaaaaaaiinz to see what I might be missing?!

Ah, it's enough to make a dead man [or woman] moan!! Hmm ... methinks I'd best be writing up a whole new TBR list real soon :D

Congrats, Titania! Your collection just made my head EXPLODE [but in a good way] heh heh.

Ps. Isn't *Fishmuffins of DOOM* just about the neatest blog title ever?!?
Mine should have been something more along the lines of ...
Ottercakes of Obscurity ;P

... wonder if it's been taken?

Trick or Treat Spooktacular Giveaways!!

2011-10-13T18:28:00.000-07:00

Oh, my! Halloween just got a little [a LOT] better, boys n' ghouls :D
Check out the freaking AWESOME giveway going on over at A Book-Lover's Review.

She's got a lucky THIRTEEN signed books to cast off to some lucky winner!
Hurry on over & enter ... I DARE YOU [mwha ha ha ha .... *ahem*].

This Has Been a Test ...

2011-10-12T22:48:00.000-07:00

Just for the record, I really hope we DO have a zombie apocalypse.
There. I said it. Out loud, kinda sorta.
... does this make me a bad person [too late, don't care]?

Act like you're not curious to see what it'd be like.
Even a small zombie apocalypse? I mean, it's not like
I want everybody [else] to get all ate up. Just the people
I don't like [I have a list][not really].

See? That's the [only] good thing about getting older and no longer
worrying if your boobs are still perky [they're not].
You can just say whatever you like and people write you off as
being senile and/or crazy. Sometimes they will even pat you on the head.

...
...
... So. For you cowards out there, let's just pretend we're in the midst of
some kind of slavering, shuffling, brain-eating debacle. Here's a wee questionnaire
to help matters along:

1) You're seated at the breakfast table scanning the newspaper, enjoying that first hot cup of coffee of the day, when you hear a neighbor banging and moaning at your front door. You ...
a) Yell at one of the kids to answer the stupid door. I mean, it's not like you couldn't make another kid if you had to. Maybe one that'd even clean up their stupid room once in a while.
b) Jump up from the table and throw on some eyeliner. Just in case it's that hot guy across the street who's always waxing his Porsche with his shirt off. I mean, just because you're married doesn't mean you're dead [yet].
c) Realize that the Zompocalypse has finally arrived. NOW you can try out all those kewl weapons and advice books you picked up at the latest ComicCon. Even though your husband laughed at you for being such a nerd. Hopefully, he'll get ate up but you'll need to remember to edit your marital status on facebook.
d) All of the above, you fool!

So, like, now there's all these dead folks ambling about looking for something to eat. But what if they were vegans before they turned? Do they eat grains? What if they had dentures instead of teeth? Can they still spread the plague? Or what if they were morons before they *turned*? Is stupidity contagious???

OH MY GAWD, whatever will we DO?!?
We're ALL GONNA DIE ... if, if only there were some type of guaranteed full-proof body armor against zombies!!

*INTRODUCING THE ONE & ONLY GUARANTEED FULL-PROOF
BODY ARMOR AGAINST ZOMBIES*
For only 4 easy payments of $19.99, you can protect your vulnerable
human flesh and that of your loved ones, with this amazing sticky, easy
to apply roll of anti-zombie body tape that looks suspiciously like standard
duct-tape but probably isn't.
And that's not all, folks. We'll also throw in for FREE [additional shipping & handling charges will apply] a sturdy brain-protector that bears an uncanny
resemblance to a rusty colander [spaghetti not included].
Please hurry, quantities are limited [to the first 500,000 callers].
Operators are standing by to take your call...
.

*This has been a test of the emergency zompocalypse system.
Had this been a real emergency there would be blood and guts and gore
everywhere. With lots of screaming involved. LOTS of screaming, the kind
you read about.
We repeat. This had been a test ...

McPig's Zombie Show[off]case!

2011-10-12T20:57:00.000-07:00

All of us Kewl-Kids[?] LOVE our Z-reads!!

Today we have my shambling friend Sullivan McPig of Pearls Cast Before a McPig.

Just LOOK at Sully's D-licous collection of braaaaaaaaaiinzzzzz *oopsie* ... I meant, BOOKS.
Doesn't that make your heart flutter?
Doesn't that make your pulse race?
Doesn't that make you want to shuffle off to your favorite book seller and spend your every last freakin' dime on MORE BOOKS?!

Yeah. Me, too. ;D

So, here's the titles featured in Sully's pic:
My Life as a White Trash Zombie - Diana Rowland
Hellforged & Deadtown - Nancy Holzner (will soon be joined by Bloodstone)
Queen Victoria: Demon Hunter - A.E. Moorat
Soulless - Christopher Golden
Pride and Prejudice and Zombies - Jane Austen and Seth Grahame-Smith
Boneshaker - Cherie Priest
The Enemy - Charlie Higson
Once Bitten, Twice Dead - Bianca D'Arc
Enclave - Ann Aguirre
The Iron Duke - Meljean Brook
Rot and Ruin - Jonathan Maberry
Zombie, an anthology of the Undead
Married with Zombies & Flip this Zombie - Jesse Petersen
Warm Bodies - Isaac Marion

I'm quite pleased to note that Sullivan and I share similar *taste* in the undead ...
and if I don't soon get my hands on my very own copy of Enclave SOON *drool* ...!

Please feel free to join the Zombie Showcase and send me a pic of YOUR collection
of Z-reads. You know you want to.

Disclaimer: If the spacing on this post is effed up I am going to lose my mind. Somehow I can't seem to get it right using the *edit Html* tab, no matter what. Harumph!

Zombie Show[off]case!

2011-10-11T17:03:00.001-07:00

Rearranging my books last night, and the idea occurs to see just how many *braaainzzz* z-reads I've collected thus far.

Is that pile drool-worthy or not?! Oh, yeahs.

My favs are as follows:
The Forest of Hands & Teeth trilogy by Carrie Ryan
The Reapers Are The Angels by Alden Bell
Dying to Live by Kim Paffenroth
Soulless by Christopher Golden
Dust by Joan Frances Turner

If you're like me and prefer your zombies a tad on the grim & gritty side, give the above a whirl. Even if you don't - read them anyway; it builds character ;D

Edit to add:
Starting with the left pile top to bottom>
Adventures of Huckleberry Finn and Zombie Jim by M. Twain & W. Bill Czolgosz
Soulless
Dawn of the Dreadfuls by Steve Hockensmith
Queen Victoria Demon Hunter by A.E. Moorat
The Reapers Are the Angels
Never Slow Dance With a Zombie by E.Van Lowe
The Living Dead 2 [anthology] edited by John Joseph Adams
Zombies VS. Unicorns [anthology] edited by Black & Larbalestier
The Loving Dead by Amelia Beamer
Three Quarters Dead by Richard Peck
Dust
Dying to Live
Generation Dead by Daniel Waters
On the right side>
The First Days by Rhiannon Frater
Flip This Zombie by Jesse Petersen
Rot & Ruin by Jonathan Maberry
Ashes by Ilsa J. Bick
The Monster Book of Zombies [anthology] edited by Stephen Jones
The Dark and Hollow Places by Carrie Ryan
The Dead-Tossed Waves by Carrie Ryan
The Forest of Hands & Teeth by Carrie Ryan

And that's not all. I want the Monster Island series, any & all sequels to above books, ...
you name it ... must.have.them .... MWHA HA HA HA HA [in the midst of maniacal chortling, M.A.D. gets sleepy and wanders off to take a nap].
The End.

Love These Awesome Giveaways!!

2011-10-05T22:37:00.000-07:00

Check it out! Over at Literary Exploration Anna is having a wonderful giveaway to celebrate her 300 followers milestone! And if we help her reach 400 followers she'll be adding an extra book winner to the pile :D

And who loves winning books??? WE DO!!!
Thank you, Anna, for hosting this sweet celebration~

Thank You Thursday!

2011-10-05T13:59:00.000-07:00

Honestly and truly! Since I became a blogger I've been blessed to have met so many wonderful people. It amazes me how kind and generous folks can be. Not to mention creative & talented, too!

Here's what I just received from Amy of Bookzilla

A beautiful brand new copy of Divergent, along with the cutest
card PLUS adorable stationary.

Thank you so very much, Amy!!! And to all my beloved friends and fellow bloggers - I love you guys *heart* :D

Torture Me Tuesday

2011-10-03T20:17:00.000-07:00

Here's a tantalizing passage from an amazing ARC called Eulogy for Erin Ernest:

" ... surrounding my grave stood my parents with tears coursing down their faces. My classmates, solemn and frightened, huddled in tiny groups whispering amongst themselves. And there-racing across the uneven turf-came my boyfriend. Breathless, shocked, white-faced, Gunnar dropped to his knees as the mortuary attendents intercepted him and refused to allow him any closer.

Gunnar wasn't welcome here. But only I knew why.

And I wasn't in any position to tell, or was I? ..."

Eulogy for Erin Ernest
Emo Press: April 1, 2012
999 pages

;D

My Stupid Mailbox Monday

2011-10-03T10:46:00.000-07:00

LOL
Well, while the entire rest of the known blogosphere is busy posting their book-lovin' braiiiiiiinnnnzzzzzzzzz out about all the yummy, awesomelicious goodies simply oozing from their mailbox ... hehehe

Here's a tongue-in-cheek mini rant about MY mailbox [may it rest in pieces!]:
First off, MY mail carrier never ever e-vah gets a hernia from carting boxes of free ARCs up to my porch step. In fact, if I may be so bold to assume - he appears to be the epitome of good health & cheer. And while

I'd LIKE to further assume that any ... any ... ANY minute now he's going
to have to don a truss to lug MY huge ginormous box of ARCs up onto the deck [whilst dodging lazy cats sprawled out everywhere] - this does not seem likely.

Woe is me ;P

Secondly, today my stupid mailbox contained the following gems:
a flyer from someone who wants to loan me money
an advertisement from AARP [right]
and two dead spiders

Whoooooooooooaaa! Time to tone down the festivities in this neighborhood.

Stupid mailbox.

However. I have a fantasy. And in this *fantasy* - some billionaire book loving
philanthropist is sending me an effin' HUGE box of wicked ARCs - all of which sport the most incredible covers known to man.

And while I'm busy wishing in one hand ... maybe he's also sending me enough
Swiss chocolate to enable my fat cells to take a vacation for the rest of my envious life.

Or not. Crap.
So, without further adieu - here is a list of what I wished was in my mailbox, but unfortunately wasn't:
Pandemonium
The Unbecoming of whatsherface
Ashfall
Ashes, Ashes
Cigarettes make Ashes
Monster Island plus sequels
Dearly Departed
Nearly Departed
Almost Departed but not really
Zombie Love
Zombie Lust
Zombies in Love & Lust
Brains for All

The icing on the cake is that I'm still having trouble correcting the spacing errors on this thing once I've hit save.
... and am too lazy to use spell check. Even though my bent fingers make mistakes, - like I care.

To any billionaire philanthropists in the audience - HURRY!!! ;D

Zombie Showcase: Monster Book of Zombies

2011-09-28T15:19:00.000-07:00

The Monster Book of Zombies: Tales of the Walking Dead

Edited by Stephen Jones

Metro Books

2009 edition

518 pages

ISBN 978-1-4351-2049-5

By Jove, who doesn't love a good anthology?! I do. And if it's chock full 'o zombies - all the merrier I say.

Seriously, this was an excellent collection of stories! I curled up one evening with this baby and it was like opening a fresh can of roasted, mixed nuts WITHOUT any peanuts to slow a body down. It was that hard to stop reading and get some stupid sleep ;P

So, if you like anthologies, and if you LOVE zombies [well, like DUH ... who doesn't?] then

this is one you need to read.

Buy or Borrow - though I do think it makes a cozy addition to one's own personal library~

My favorite story in the book: Herbert West - Reanimator by H.P. Lovecraft [love the Cthulhu man]

The Sounds of Silence

2011-09-28T13:41:00.000-07:00

It snowed last night.

Which is just another way of saying hell froze over.

On the plus side, sounds are muffled, so there's less chance of accidentally
waking the dead - we call 'em sleepers.

All the stupid movies I've watched. All the stupid books. Zombie this and zombie that.

One thing nobody was bright enough to think of ... maybe because it leaves the living about zero chance for making it through this alive ... was the hearing thing.

Smell this, smell that.

Bullshit.

Any first year med moron'll tell you, the sense of smell is one of the first senses to go belly up when a person dies.

But hearing. Uh uh. Hearing is the last thing to go.

Hello Romero. Ding ding ding.

Even in geriatric wards or hospices - when everybody's gathered around granny when it seems nobody's home - the dying can still hear what's being said around them.

This isn't rocket science, Jim.

And that's why I've taped your big fat mouth shut. Because you won't quit screaming.

I know, I saw what that sleeper did to your wife. I feel your pain, dude.

He grabbed her up like a fresh-made sub and tore right into her. I saw him biting and shaking, spit and blood and bone flying every which way. Seriously, I feel for you, man.

But either you shut the fuck up or we're all dead.

And I can't let that happen.

Of all people, you should know better.

Maybe you've lost your mind or you're ready to let go, you wanna join your wife or something. I don't know.

But I'm still alive and plan on keeping it that way as long as I can.

We'll make it out of here, Jim - I promise you. But you've got to hold on, promise me. PROMISE me you'll stop making so much noise and I'll take this tape off.

That's better. You're nodding like you understand the importance of what I'm telling you. Here. Hold on and I'll remove the ...

NO!! JIM! Damnit ... DAMN IT, JIM!! Quiet. Oh PLEASE be quiet or we're all gonna die ...

We're all gonna ...

Traveling One Blog At a Time

2011-09-27T22:18:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, usually late at night or early morn - when I'm relaxed and in that beautifully drowsy state that borders on euphoria, when all feels right with the world and my place assured - I like to take off traveling like an explorer of Olde.

When I was younger, healthier and not as subject to chronic pain and those maladies associated with aging, I would walk - in the physical sense - arms pumping, legs pounding, sweat peppering my brow and dampening my shirt, my breath slow and measured with the discipline of practised concentration.

Now I travel in a different way.

No less satisfying but different all the same.

My travels begin with just an idea, a search, a question in mind.

Tiny taps upon a keyboard when suddenly I find myself in England, reading the thoughts and feelings of an individual across an ocean I'll never traverse. My coffee grows cold while I connect with one amazing human being after another.

And still my fingers tap.

Attracted to the lure of other minds, other places; skipping across a universe of blogs - such a small word for such a huge world.

With no itinerary to bind me, the travel comes easily and swift. Mexico, Canada, Japan and sometimes as close as my own backyard.

Ages ago, when the world was still a mystery of places instead of faces - we each kept to our unspoken confines and talked of traveling 'as the crow flies'. To reach across a continent and place a foot upon both shores was a task of no minor undertaking.

Now we, me - each of us - think no more of reaching across a globe than our ancestors thought of reaching across a hedgerow.

No bird has ever flown as straight, as easily, nor as complacently as we.

So tonight, while my coffee sits cold and a skim forms atop it's surface, I travel from place to place, from person to person, across a sea not of water but of electrons. And for just a moment, ... just a wee second in a life composed of infinite moments, or so it seems to me ...

I stop.

And marvel at the miracle beneath my fingertips.

tap. tap. tap...

Is It JUST Me???

2011-09-27T01:04:00.000-07:00

Aargh.

No matter WHAT I do I cannot fix the spacing to publish properly
when there is a photo involved.

I've tried editing in Html, I've tried correcting the spacing in Compose.

If this problem continues you know what?

I'll be driven to an extreme solution ...

Yup. I'll have to have the kid fix it for me, as it seems I am too
old & senile to do it myself.

Oh, the shame. The agony. The embarrassment :P

Zombie Showcase: The Reapers Are The Angels

2011-09-27T00:36:00.000-07:00

In pre-Halloween fashion for all you zombie lovers, I wanted to showcase some of my favorite Z-reads.

Just in case you meant to add this one to your TBR pile, or simply missed out altogether - you MUST read The Reapers Are the Angels by Alden Bell.

This is perhaps one of the absolute pinky-swear BEST zombie reads ever.

I say this because Reapers is packed with well-developed characters, forward

driven dialogue, and emotionally intimate insight that tears your guts out ... well, just like one of the undead.

Combination Southern gothic and dystopian survivalism, Reapers is far more than just another flesh eating flash-in-the-pan kind of tale. Temple, the central character, just about breaks the reader's heart with her brutal self-honesty and her naive insistence on survival in a world wracked by a plague of the undead.

So don't let this gem of a book slip through your grubby little book-lovin' paws. Buy or Borrow, but do give Reapers a whirl~

Book Review: Dark Souls by Paula Morris

2011-09-25T15:50:00.000-07:00

Dark Souls by Paula Morris
Hardcover publication date: August, 2011
Publisher: Point
304 Pages

As the author's previous book, Ruined, is one of my all-time favorite paranormal YA reads - I was beyond excited to have the chance to review Dark Souls.

From the back cover:
The ghost was there.
Miranda froze, still clutching one of the curtains. He looked even more
breathtaking this time, his face like chiseled marble. Tonight he wasn't smiling
at all, but his eyes were warm, velvety dark. He opened his mouth. Was he trying
to say something? Then the flame of the candle leapt, just for an instant, and died. He was gone.

Set in York, England - Dark Souls is every bit as Gothic, romantic and Olde Worlde evocative as we have come to expect from the talented Paula Morris. Those readers familiar with Ruined and hoping for another descriptive, fascinating excursion will find themselves swallowed whole by the authentic atmosphere that permeates every page of this awesome tale.

And, even if I wasn't already a fan of both the author and ghost stories per se, there's simply no way to resist the charm of heroine Miranda and the darkly fascinating Nick.

What begins on a tragic note - the car accident that gives rise to Miranda's incredible ability to see ghosts - quickly evolves into an absorbing mystery that
keeps the reader determined to gulp down the entire novel in one delicious bite!

As I don't want to spoil the book, I'm simply going to say that it kept me guessing, and loving every second of it.

In a word: Must Own
My Rating: 5 Starz

Giveaway: BRAIIIIIIINNNNNNZZZZZZZZZZZ

2011-09-24T14:29:00.000-07:00

Time to 'fess up.

How many of you out there in the crowd loves zombies???

A show of hands, please [hmm ... some of the slower dead raised both hands]Whoaaaaaaaaaaa, lotsa Z-peeps in the house tonight!!

And that's a good thing. Really. Because sooner or later zombies may be coming to a neighborhood near yours.... [heh heh heh]

See, I just loves me some brainzzzzzzzz. Er. Zombies. And so does my Z-lovin'

fiend .. FRIEND Velvet, over at VVB32Reads. For loads of fun and all kinds of

tres coolio giveaways you MUST go visit her awesome website!!

***GIVEAWAY TIME***

In fact, to celebrate the undead I am having a wee giveaway for a neat-o bottle

of anti-zombie pills! These came to me courtesy of Penguin Publishing and Rachel Caine, author of Working Stiff: A Revivalist Novel.

Unfortunately, there are some possible side effects: Nausea, dizziness and may turn you into a zombie slave.

But HEY! Look on the bright [?] side ... all the free brains you can eat, eh??

So. If your medicine cabinet is kinda dull, with all the usual boring crap - SPICE things up or just freak out nosy house guests with something that's sure to keep people talking about you long after you move [or are run out of the neighborhood].

To enter to win this bottle of fake meds, simply leave a COMMENT below with your name and correct email.

For an extra entry - please follow ME in GFC.

And for a total of FIVE [5] entries, follow both myself and my zombie loving friend

Velvet.

Please make sure to leave your GFC name when following so I may verify.

Note: Giveaway OPEN TO USA *ONLY* [due to high cost of shipping]

Are YOU a Squirrel, too??

2011-09-16T21:44:00.000-07:00

Today was a wee bit dreary; overcast, cooler & windy, all with the distinct flavor of fall in the air. It boggles the mind how we of the Midwest can experience triple digits one week, then near freezing temps the next.

Couldn't say how many chubby squirrels were scampering about, seemingly all over the place, industrially gathering/burying their winter stash of walnuts and such - but they were everywhere so of course we drove carefully as to not hit one of the tiny stinkers.

Well, the squirrels aren't the only ones preparing their winter stash. Personally, I dread each upcoming winter - those endless days of snow, ice and gray skies that go on forever. This year, I had planned to buckle down and write my own fool book, but my hands are giving me trouble so my typing is less accurate and more tedious than in the past. Since I somehow managed to snap a tendon two Christmas Eves in a row, needless to say I'm a bit apprehensive as to what finger emergency might belay me this time around.

Hopefully, none.

But, prior to the tendon fiasco, I've had my right arm go completely dead - possibly something in the elbow akin to tennis elbow? Honestly, I don't rightly recall exactly what the doctor said as it's been a few years. However, the upshot is that I have far less dexterity in my grasp where handling small objects - like change or tweezers - is sometimes awkward. And my right hand has chronic numbness when upright, like attempting to weld a paintbrush.

So. Either I'll write really slow, periodically and in short sessions or I'll just curl up, read and dream of what might have been ;)

Probably the latter, as like our squirrely little friends, I, too, have been preparing my own winter stash. OF BOOKS!

And since I'm a voracious reader, it takes real dedication to keep my TBR stash in decent shape lol. Plus I'm guilty of having several books going at one time, depending on what captures my interest at any given moment.

So anyway, due to the incredibly epic deals at Walden's/Borders, rummage sales, splurges and lucky wins - I've amassed a nice little (?) pile of maybe 70ish books - each of which are tempting me to start them NOW and the heck with ol' Man Winter.

I'm trying to hold on, but the ink beckons ... ;D

How about you guys? Got a winter stash piling up that you're gleefully rubbing your hands together about??

And if so, what book are you most tempted by and why?
[mine was The Scorch Trials - no way I could let that one stand idly by lol]

Recommendations Please!

2011-09-03T19:50:00.000-07:00

I could use a little help, boys and ghouls...

'Am wanting to stash away a slew of excellent, top notch reads
for the upcoming winter. Now, my favorite books are those survival,
dystopian, apocalyptic ones such as The Hunger Games, or
The Maze Runner, the Last Survivors trilogy by Susan Pfeffer, etc.

And if there's zombies featured ... ;D

All the better but not required.

So ... what books would you recommend I buy?

Book Review: The End of The World by Andrew Biss

2011-08-30T16:21:00.000-07:00

The End of the World by Andrew Biss
* An odd, yet oddly touching tale of
life, death, and the space in-between

Publisher: CreateSpace (April 26, 2011)

When Valentine's parents decide the time has arrived for him to cut the apron strings and take his rightful place in the big, bad world lurking just outside the safety of their doorstep, Valentine finds himself almost immediately launched into a surreal vista where priests pop from kitchen sinks, house guests run about without their stomachs intact, and snake-oil entrepreneurs spring unbidden from vintage refrigerators.

The End of the World is a brilliant, intelligent tour de farce delivered well-wrapped in a cutting wit so slyly subtle that the reader will return again and again out of sheer appreciation for the dialogue of its exceptional characters.

For such a wee book (98 pages) it certainly packed a wallop, giving me pause to think, laugh and sometimes fight the urge to cry.

I don't know how Andrew Biss managed to pull off this splendid cross between The Egyptian Book of the Dead and Portnoy's Complaint, but pull off he did - amazingly so - and I can't say when I've enjoyed character repartee quite so much as I did within the pages of this well-recommended book.

The M.A.D. take: A definite buy for those with a love of all things paranormal and an appreciation of intelligent writing.

I'd like to further add that as one who has experienced a life-long fascination with the continuation of consciousness post-mortem, I think the author has hit upon a rather obscure and not widely known truth that the mind may shape it's after death experiences in much the same way it is conjectured to do so during life.

Here I am reminded of Hamlet who spoke ..."There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy"

Book Review: Bedbugs by Ben H. Winters

2011-08-26T11:04:00.000-07:00

Bedbugs by Ben H. Winters

Release date: Sept. 6, 2011

Quirk Books

[from the back cover]

FOR RENT: Top two floors of beautifully renovated brownstone. 1,300 sq. ft.,

2BR 2BA, eat-in kitchen, one block to parks and playgrounds. No broker's fee.

I'd like to say two (2) things right off the bug ... I mean, bat.

One, Ben Winters is a New York Times best-selling author for a reason. The

guy's that good! Fans of Sense, Sensibility and Sea Monsters know what I'm talking about.

Two, if Stephen King and Bentley Little went through some hideous teleportation accident

and emerged as one being - that being would be Ben Winters. Seriously.

Edgy and evenly paced, Bedbugs begins innocently enough with the upwardly mobile

Susan and Alex Wendt *just looking* [we all know where this leads] for an affordable

place to rent.

Susan, stay-at-home mother of their young daughter - Emma, yearns for a larger

apartment to accommodate her growing family. Her fantasy/dream home includes a

special room just for Susan to renew her artistic desire for oil painting.

Stumbling across an ad for what appears to be the perfect place, the Wendts quickly set
up an appointment to meet with Brooklyn landlady Andrea Scharfstein - a

dry-as-dust and helpful to the point of hellish geriatric who slowly emerges as

the poster child for creepy old ladies.

They say there's "no such thing as a free lunch", and this is where the Wendts discover

their dream apartment has a small problem. Hundreds, thousands of them to be exact!

And they've targeted Susan as their next victim ...

Bedbugs is one of the best horror reads of the year. Even though I knew better,

I couldn't put it down, gobbling the entire book in one emotionally-fraught sitting.

I say emotionally-fraught because I'm mildly phobic about bedbugs, and suspicious

of landlords in general.

And ehmagawd, suddenly I discover there's good reason to be, at least according to

Ben Winters.

The M.A.D. take on Bedbugs:

An 'all-nighter' - there's no putting this book down once you start.

*and here's a dirty little secret for you ... besides an epic story featuring an absolutely

awesome cover, HUNDREDS of terrible, tiny bedbugs are scattered throughout the pages.

Thank goodness they're only ink on paper.

... for now.

Cheapskate Book Bling!

2011-08-01T13:28:00.000-07:00

For all you fellow bibliophiles out there, just a reminder NOT to overlook the used book angle. Here it is, the miserable dog days of Summer, which - if you can stand to drag your sweaty butt out from in front of the A/C - is the best time of the year for scoring awesome reads on the cheap.

Yeah, I'm a real tightwad [part necessity and part cheapskate DNA].

It breaks my heart to pay F.U.L.L.P.R.I.C.E. for ANYTHING ... okay, except for food and underwear maybe lol.

On the plus side, I have been known to go into full body spasms of miserly delight when I can reallllllllllllllllly stretch a buck and strike some killer buys.

Well, with that said - July really blew me away! Even though I didn't go to a ton of yard sales or book stores, those I did chance upon were the Mother Lode of book treasure. I've got to make a list and take some pics to post on this thing, lazy and haphazard as my blogging tends to be.

Ah, well.

Anyhoo, let me be the first to say that August has started off on the right page ... I mean FOOT. No lie.

After picking up my meds today, we made a quick stop in at the Salvation Army store. Usually I don't find much. However.

Today I found:
Gossip Girl: You Know You Love Me
Gossip Girl: All I Want is Everything
Gossip Girl: Would I Lie to You
Gossip Girl: Because I'm Worth It
Gossip Girl: You're the One That I Want
Gossip Girl: Only in Your Dreams
(all in practically brand new condition for only TWENTY FIVE CENTS EACH!)
Woot!
and -
Incantation by Alice Hoffman (also like new for .25)
Closed for the Season by Mary Hahn (ditto) (not heard of this before, but the cover is creepalicious)
and finally, another one that looked cute -
Confessions of a Teen Nanny by Victoria Ashton (hard cover .50c)

I dunno, they must have had a sale going or something and my timing was right, but now I have another stack of goodies to add to my burgeoning pile of upcoming winter reading material. Illinois winters blow chow, in case you didn't know :P

So again, while we all love buying books, and especially WINNING books, don't forget to check out your local yard sales, thrift shops and such.

For peeps like me, who don't have much cash to start with, and are typically behind on the ten thousand new books constantly coming out, buying used is a great way to catch up on some of the older titles you've yet to buy or win.

Heck, I just found a hardcover copy of Hunger Games a couple of weeks ago - like new condition and for only .50.

And as an aside, if you can, I really recommend rummages, church sales and thrift stores over the *standard* used book stores - not that I don't LOVE them, in fact, I could LIVE in one - but, at least around here, our used book stores are pretty pricey.

Whatever. Hope you guys can score some majorly good deals, too~ :D

PLEASE - Keep Your Pets Cool & Hydrated!!!

2011-07-21T20:37:00.000-07:00

I'm writing this wee post as an URGENT REMINDER for everyone to please be extra kind to your pets during this blistering heat wave!

If at all possible, keep your animals cool and hydrated, with frequent fresh water amply supplied and do NOT NOT NOT leave your pets chained up outside to suffer.

Also, please do NOT leave your pets unattended in the car (need I mention this goes for CHILDREN as well?!) Even with the windows partly rolled down, temperatures during this type of weather can spike quickly inside a car as the metal body is prone to conduct and hold in heat.

The smartest, most compassionate thing you can do is to leave Fido at home for the time being.

***GOOD DEED ALERT*** We humans aren't the only living creatures miserable during the dog days of August ... I mean July (ugh). Please take pity/compassion on any neighborhood strays, birds, etc and make fresh water available for the rest of God's children.

A pan of ice cubes set in the shade to slowly melt, a birdbath or reasonable facsimile thereof, plants well watered either well before or after the hottest part of the day.

It's takes so little time and effort to make a HUGE difference in the comfort and care of the gentle creatures we share this beautiful planet with.

And please ... this is a biggie ... DON'T turn a blind eye to animal neglect/cruelty. That's really bad Karma as well as just being a lazy tool. Unfortunately, sometimes you have to go that extra mile to do the right thing.

Anyway, while I know most of you are undoubtedly wonderful people who have the common sense and good ethics to take care of your beloved furbabies, I came across a sad situation today that prompted me to post a heartfelt reminder.

Many Thanks & Blessings to All!

Zombie Ants Alert

2011-07-11T19:02:00.000-07:00

Okay, so they're teensy-weensy and it's sorta hard to tell. But I think I have an infestation slash horde of miniature zombies cleverly disguised as ants.

Whoa.

Who would've thought zombies would ever develop the necessary skills to pull that one off? That's gotta be right up there with zombies discovering fire {click here for epic zombie post}

Seriously, no matter what I do these little bastards keep coming and coming, like some relentless onslaught waged by Genghis Khan if Genghis Khan were a) still onslaughting innocent folks, b) about a 100Th of a millimeter tall, and c) riding ants instead of elephants.

As an aside, I really really hope I spelled ol' whatsisname correctly because, frankly, I don't give a big enough shit to go google.

As another aside, I further hope that *millimeter* would be the correct measurement term because - back in the 70's - my generation was too otherwise occupied with drugs, sex & rock n roll to learn the stupid metric system.

Just kidding (right).

Back to the ant thing: what is really scary is that I am just thhhhhhhhhis close to being an OCD type of clean freak. Very neat, I is. For someone who can't see well enough to tweeze their own eyebrows without the magnifying glasses used by Helen Keller, I can spot a cracker crumb from across a crowded room. And being Miss Clean & Tidy Freakazoid, I'm always vacuuming the stupid kitchen like someone's paying me (they aren't).

So why are there all these zombies or ants or whatever trying to take over my kitchen every time I turn my back (to play around on the Internet, it seems) ???

I don't know what to do. Obviously heat doesn't slow them down, since it's been about a trillion degrees for the last week and our arthritic A/C unit is barely able to keep up. You'd think the little stinkers would wilt in all this fool heat, instead of being able to lift sugar molecules a billion times their size.

That's why I don't think we're dealing with your ordinary, run-of-the-mill type ant here.

Now, if you know me at all you know that despite everything, I'm soft hearted and a real sucker for all that Zen feel-goodery stuff. I'm a vegan most of the time, and try to avoid killing anything because my life sucks just enough that I need more bad karma like another hole in the head.

Plus, I've seen pictures (recently I might add) of suns so immense (like Arcturus or Betelgeuse) that they make our ol' Sol look like a marble. No lie. So what if I'm like an ant to something or somebody way bigger out yonder in the cosmos?

I'm very tender and bruise easily and don't want any flying Macaroni Monster to step on me.

Or. Worse yet. What happens if MY ants have some kind of insectile world wide web and they put the word out on me or something? What if they are the revenge seeking kind of ant and are part of a global mafia ant thing and I wake up one day to find a horse's head in my bed (granted, it would have to be an itsy-bitsy horse head - like a Shetland pony or something).

That's why I haven't used poison inside, although cinnamon - believe it or not - creates a great barrier for a while, until they drag out old toothpicks from under the refrigerator and start using them as pole vaults.

Maybe we could all sit down, with a mediator of sorts (not like my cat is busy doing anything else besides yakking up on the clean bed), and hash out our differences. I could explain how mummified ants in my salt shaker and/or underwear drawer causes me to break out in stress hives, and the ants could explain whatever bizarre issues ants might have.

Maybe I could just move.

Thankfully, August is right around the corner and that means hordes of zombie crickets who will - hopefully - eat the ants before the cat finds them and decides to *play* with them.

*** and by 'play' I mean happily batting the crickets around for hours before I can accidentally step on them in the dark and spend the rest of the night washing my feet and dry heaving over the side of the tub.

Re-thinking My Priorities

2011-07-09T20:26:00.000-07:00

While this post won't be funny or cute, it will be earnest and comes straight from the heart:

Someone I loved very much passed away this morning.

While the particulars aren't important, the fact is that someone's time was up. And though we may never fully understand the meaning of life and death, we cannot deny the terrible impact this severing of mortal ties has on those left behind who each, in his or her own way, must grapple with such loss.

I can't stop thinking about it.

And about my own mortality as well.

And about how incredibly important it is to live each moment of your life as though this is the last moment to show your love for those important to you. Even though we do, we really shouldn't take another day for granted. I think we spin metaphors, parrot cliches and sometimes hide behind walls of our own erection - anything and everything do we do to put as much distance between ourselves and death as is possible.

The one thing we should be doing, most of us aren't.

We should be living each day unconcerned with possessions, money, status, gossip, intrigue, looks, sex, judgment, anger, pride, self, self, self. We should be living each day in joy and thankfulness that the sun has risen on another gift. A chance to put self aside and live life like something other than a chore.

Of course, we know all this already. But somehow come the morning sun we forget what truly matters and it's 'business all over again as usual'.

Okay, I keep saying we but what I'm really saying is ME. I do this. Too easily I can become entirely self-focused and any previously held good intention goes flying out the window.

And you know what's funny? We (me) are all so damn busy trying to judge the world, change each other, thinking constantly about how anything outside ourselves affects us, getting petty with our neighbors who don't mow their lawn to suit us, condemning politicians for their indiscretions, ... the list of things that don't matter one iota goes on forever.

I'm always so stupidly busy critiquing everything and everybody else in the world that I keep forgetting that the only soul I need to critique is my own, and any change worth making first has to start with me.

So this evening I've been thinking [ouch]. There are just a very few people whom I love with my every breath, and of those people there are none more beloved than my children.

So why don't I do more to show these people, and especially my children, how much they mean to me? Beyond saying the words, or an occasional gift, or whathaveyou. Don't get me wrong, I'm a good mother. Some say a VERY good mother.

But I could do far more to express my love.

And it occurs to me that there are countless beautiful ways to let someone know they are loved: flowers picked on a sunny day, a fresh cake on the doorstep, skills shared and passed down, an unexpected letter sent the old fashioned way with a stamp, and so forth.

Something else I've noticed, and thought about this evening. How much crap we buy, keep, hang on to. I've been to so many estate sales and it's usually a sobering affair to see a lifetime of dusty collections - sitting forlorn and worthless. You really CAN'T take it with you, you know.

While there may be a temporary satisfaction with these endless streams of material nonsense we burden ourselves (and the next generation) with, how much better off would people be if they collected less high-end baskets or limited edition figurines and instead spent that money on loved ones, or even strangers, who could have benefited from the help?

And if I come across as meaning we should never do/buy/collect/save anything for our self, that's not what I'm really saying.

The point I am just now truly realizing is how much excess we keep shoveling down our hungry gullets, trying to fill a void that cannot ever be filled with ... stuff. It's like nothing is ever enough.

***

So here I am with another birthday on the horizon. I'll be 54 this year and, believe me when I say this, I cannot believe I'm this old. And while 54 may not be a huge deal for most folks, it's pretty epic for me when out of my 16 other siblings more than half have suffered unexpected fatal heart attacks before 45, or required bypass surgery. I'm thinking it's close to 75%. Definitely a wee genetic issue with the ol' heart, it seems.

Sooooooooo ... [still thinking out loud here] ... maybe I shouldn't be taking too many sunrises for granted. Maybe I had better start ASAP to work towards being the person I want to be - which is more loving and less self-focused.

And even if I am blessed (hopefully) with 30 more wonderful years ahead of me, if I start making each day count a little bit more, then what a beautiful testament to a life well lived it will be when I'm going on 84.

I hope this doesn't sound too cheesy, because I really mean it. Life should never be a chore, nor something we take for granted.

Life should be an expression of giving, sharing. Of thanks.

Of Love.

I love you, Dorothy. Until we meet again ...

Mega - Awesome drool Giveaway NOW

2011-07-09T11:30:00.000-07:00

Heads up, fellow book lovers! In celebration of her 6 month blogoversary - Harpreet Singh is having one beautiful giveaway. Click on the following link to visit her
http://booksforteens6212.blogspot.com/2011/07/100-followers-mega-giveaway.html

A Mini-Rant

2011-07-08T03:59:00.000-07:00

***On My Soapbox* Alert ***
Readers, please forgive me, but I simply have to get this off my chest. The following rant is in NO WAY directed towards any one particular person. It's simply my personal opinion and response to something that's been bothering me for a while.

With that said.

I don't know which is worse: finding out you weren't the winner of a book
you really wanted OR finding out ... let's say 6 months later ... that you DID win
a book you really, really WANTED except the blog owner couldn't be bothered to
email and let you know :(

Granted, we each have the right to conduct our blog in any manner we see fit.

However.

If someone's time is so incredibly valuable that they cannot be bothered to take the 60 seconds necessary to email their winners, how do they then 'find' the time to conduct another drawing?

It just strikes me as a wee bit snarky anytime I see a blogger post that they were
"forced" to draw another winner.

Especially when most blog giveaways (mine as well) require that an entrant become a follower in some way. With more & more bloggers seeking to grow their readership, the same do our 'blogs we follow' lists continue to grow by leaps & bounds.

Guess what? A lot of us do not have the time to constantly check our updates - talk about time consuming. And even though I DO have Google alert set to catch any relevant post I might miss - frankly, it doesn't do a thorough job.

[ When we can have upwards of 300 blogs saved to follow, that can potentially be a tremendous amount of posts to scan or read on a daily basis. I say that, and I'm partially disabled and probably have more time than most. ]

So I'd like to gently and respectfully suggest that if a person has time to post, promote and otherwise conduct a giveaway, try to go that extra 60 seconds and *somehow* find the time to let your "lucky winner" actually know.

Personally, I'd rather sacrifice a few page views (hopefuls checking back to see if they've won) than deliberately disappoint a fellow book lover.

To those that have sweetly and graciously contacted/alerted their followers of wins over the years, kudos and hugs to you!

So, without rancour or ill will, since MY time is valuable as well, I will no longer follow/fb/like/tweet etc etc bloggers too busy to contact potential winners.

Sorry, but it's a two way street as far as I'm concerned.

A NEW type of Monster

2011-06-09T22:46:00.000-07:00

We need one. And I only wish I were clever enough to break through the literary glass ceiling and come up with something so terrifically fresh that I'd be up to my eyeballs in cold, hard cash.

So far, at last count:
Good vampires
Bad vampires
Vampire wannabees
Detective vampires
Teen vampires
Vampire Hunters
Old Vampires
New Vampires
Zombies - supernatural
Zombies - unknown causes
Zombies - viral
Zombie survivors
Zombie almost survivors
Werewolves
Were-anything
Fairies Good
Fairies Bad
Fairies with mood swings so it's hard to tell
Unicorns - confused mess (sorry, Team Zombie here lol)
Elves, etc
Prometheus - Frankenstein
Sea Monsters
Mermaids, etc
Aliens
Ghosts
Ghouls
Angels
Demons
Witches
Warlocks
Magicians
Psychics who are always claiming to see or hear stuff nobody else can
Dystopian Mechanical Thingies
**Mummies (scarce but what can you do with all those fool bandages?)
Invisible people (who have to put on bandages to be seen. go figure)

Enough. You get the idea. If somebody brilliant doesn't come up with a new type of supernatural creature - beyond some mixed up variety of the above - pretty soon we're gonna be scraping the bottom of the Old Skewl barrel and have our heroines mixing it up with the kid who runs the projector in Health Class.

Nothing good can come from that. Trust me.

No, seriously. Isn't it funny how difficult it is to think up something really really *new*???
I ask this because, honestly and truly, - in my far & few creative moments - I've tried quite hard to find the creative epiphany and ... it isn't there.

At least not yet. Maybe tomorrow.

But I doubt it.

**okay. Back to the mummy thing for just a 'sec.
I have to admit, I loved Anne Rice's Ramses the Damned. But still. He had to basically come back to life and get OUT of those stupid bandages before the story could really get going [wink wink nudge nudge].
I mean, how threatening is a mummy? Really? Lon Chaney did a great job playing the mummy back in the day, but still ... they could've put an end to his Bandaid butt with a simple Bic lighter in the first five minutes of the movie if anybody had been a smoker and had one on hand {mental note to self: keep cigs & lighter in jeans pocket when exploring any/all pyramids}.
That's what I'm saying here is you just might as well take mummies off the list to start with as they're too damn hard to write around, is all.
Unless maybe our heroine is a budding archaeologist. Who doesn't smoke.

I love YA books BUT ...

2011-06-08T10:04:00.000-07:00

(a mini-rant)
I recently counted 5 instances of eye-rolling in less than 3 pages of an otherwise terrific YA novel.

Unless we are to believe that all females under the age of 18 suffer from a type of involuntary vision problem such as transient motor eye tic,
can the authors of YA novels please tone down with the eye rolling thing.
Seriously.

We get that young teenagers have a pronounced tendency to express disdain, disbelief and disenchantment on a minute by minute basis, but c'mon ...

We further 'get' that young females are not always the most verbose and/or articulate creatures on the planet.

But still. Quit having the characters shrug so often they're mistaken for epileptics. Sometimes teens actually respond with words instead of physical jerks and grimaces. They're not marionettes.

I would like to point out that many of the mid-teens of my acquaintence are both vision healthy and have the ability to combine words of more than two syllables into complete and coherent sentences with
a minimum of shrugging and/or rolling of the eyes.

And, as crazy as this sounds, sometimes teens have *gasp* depth. So go easy with the *dumbing down*. While there's such a thing as writing for an intended market, there's also such a thing as stereotyping.

Please avoid, pretty please and thank you [Mary Ann shrugs shoulders, rolls eyes and picks an invisible piece of lint off her Juicy couture skinny jeans][not].

Potato Chips and Poltergeists

2011-05-28T00:18:00.000-07:00

and Other Things I Worry About:

Giant Rats: I swear to God in Heaven, if werewolves were real I would rather be locked in a room with a whole pack of them and basted with A1 Sauce during a triple full moon than be within a galactic light year of a Giant *shudder* rat. Have you seen these babies? The size of small dogs (with four foot tails as thick as your thumb!).

Eating a spider in my sleep: Not that there's any particularly good time to eat a spider, but just the idea of waking up one morning and while brushing/flossing my teeth I discover a long, skinny leg wedged between my molars is enough to make a body want to sleep with their mouth duct-taped shut for all eternity and then some.

Tornadoes: Since I live in both the Midwest AND a mobile home (an inexpensive domicile not exactly known for it's wind resistance), I think my concern is fully justified. Besides, try coaxing your cat into the bathtub while the sirens are going off. Not gonna happen.

Jurassic Park Wannabees: Laugh all you want, because right now - at this very second - some scientist somewhere is splicing T-Rex's bone marrow with frog DNA just because he can. This is the very same scientist who had his lunch money stolen every day in Jr. high, so he's out for revenge. We're all gonna end up as McPeoples, you just know it.

Dentists: I have a friend who literally falls asleep in the dentist's chair (not to be confused with an electric chair - but close enough). And I hate her because if there is one thing I hate worse than crippling tooth pain it is the uber crippling tooth pain experienced when the dental drill (supposedly on *accident*) hits a nerve. That is the kind of pain that makes child birth seem like a mild case of indigestion by comparison. Honestly, it is not unusual for me to *tough out* a bad tooth situation until just the sight of someone chewing gum sends me into cold sweats. Then I'll make an appointment, but not one second sooner.

Looking in the mirror after watching something really scary like The Ring or The Grudge, etc: Sure, it was just a movie, but if you're honest about it, it's hard not to be skeeved out for the first few hours after a good horror movie marathon. I think I slept with the light on for almost a week after watching Paranormal Activity. Anyway, about the mirror thing - that FIRST time you go pee after watching a truly scary movie and wash your hands in the sink basin TRYING to work up the nerve to look yourself in the mirror? It takes buckets of courage to do ... and the whole entire time your mind is telling you what a complete dweeb you are, while it's also telling you there's gonna be a hideous face looking back at you! AAAAAAAAH!

I know there's more to my list, but that's all I can think of for now. Plus I've drank tons of caffeine so now I've gotta go use the bathroom. Oh no.

So what kind of goofy things bother YOU?

PS. Someday I'll tell my potato chip horror story but not today~

PLEASE vote for me :)

2011-04-18T10:39:00.000-07:00

Hi everybody! I am really excited to announce that my humble essay has been chosen as one of the top ten finalists in the "Send a Message to Mom on Hummingbird Wings" Contest!!!!! http://www.onhummingbirdwings.com/contest.html It would mean the world to me if you would take a few moments of your time to visit the above link, and vote for yours truly :D Hugs & Love, M.A.D.

EPIC Giveaway Going On!

2011-03-16T03:10:00.000-07:00

Heads up, bibliophiles! Wouldn't you LOVE to win the above?!
I know I would :)
Click here to enter to win!

PS - thank you, Beth, for such an amazing giveaway!

I Broke ANOTHER Stupid Finger - A Year Later!

2010-12-23T19:54:00.000-08:00

Another tendon bites the dust! It actually went *snap* ...

Seriously, WTF?! I so do not believe this has happened to me again ... and almost exactly one year later. :O

Actually, it's the tendon that snapped (or as best I can tell before I can get it X-ray'd) (just like last Christmas), and now the middle finger of the same hand is hanging like a limp noodle.

Well, at least TWO fingers now match lol. Kinda sorta. :O

Needless to say, typing is slow & tedious. And just when my New Year's resolution was to buckle down and get cracking on that book I swore I was going to write. Argh.

You know, I'd be all worried that I had some hideous *snapping tendon* disease thingie, except last year the Dr. ran a complete CBC and all looked fine. So the only logical conclusion is that this latest *mishap* is simply one more shining example of my goofy luck.

Really, since the finger doesn't hurt TOO too much, I'm kinda finding this amusing - and laughed in disbelief. Or wait. Maybe it's hysteria?

Like I'd know the diff :P

Anyhoo, I love all you guys and wish lotsa chocolate, books, hugs & Christmas cheer to each and everyone. Thank you for being my *virtual* peeps, and keeping me company throughout this year. :D

**** HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ALL ****

Giveaway! Win Nightshade and Last Sacrifice

2010-12-16T23:33:00.000-08:00

I just found an awesome new blog and she's having a 200 Follower Giveaway!

Visit Cade at Braintasia Books for a chance to win Nightshade and Last Sacrifice!

PLEASE MENTION THAT MAD REFERRED YA! :D

Hugs & Good Luck Everyone ~

Steampunk Art: Nemo's Electro-Magnetic Pulsar

2010-12-16T13:33:00.000-08:00

HUZZAH!!!!!

StickyWickets got you down? Then please allow your Illustrious Professor MAD to introduce to you the latest in Victorian Gadgetry!

******The Nemo Electro-Magnetic Pulsar******

Home version guaranteed to render all small to moderately large stickywickets harmless. Patent Pending*

*Not really.

My artisan BF recently whipped this baby up and I just had to share!

Pretty neat, huh?! :D

27 Kitschy Daze til Christmas!

2010-11-27T22:29:00.000-08:00

Estrogen Alert! Level raised to RED (and GREEN)..... ;D

Here follows a Nostalgic Holiday Ramble:

Do you enjoy decorating for Christmas? Or, I guess if you are female, we'll re-phrase that question to read - 'do you have a pulse?'

Of course you do! Check out the above photo I took a few daze ago. The little cat is an anthropomorphic salt shaker, Made In Japan, and he reminds me of Felix the Cat. The two tiny plastic sleighs are early 60's Hong Kong, the necklace is a vintage Sarah Coventry with sterling silver clasp, and the plate on the wall is old Franciscan ware.

I love playing *house* with these old kitschy-cuties, especially during the Christmas season.

I find them so appealing because they take me back to the nostalgic comfort & safety of my early childhood, - when my mother wore nothing but house dresses, where we had a genuine *Florida room*, a silver pom-pom tree complete with color wheel, we faithfully attended midnight mass every Christmas Eve at our Episcopalian church, candy bars cost .25, pop came in glass bottles, comic books were plentiful at .10c each and I could get an ENTIRE grocery sack full with the covers missing for practically FREE at school, I got home just in time to watch Dark Shadows (in B&W) every day after school, and no one expected/encouraged us young girls to be nubile beauty queens in elementary school. AND I had one of the first skate boards eh-vah, a SQUARE one, that I became quite the adept at riding.

Oh, the list goes on and on. Something else, too. Wal-Mart & Malls were non-exist, and most of your *sundry* shopping was done at stores like Grants, McCrory's, Kresge, Woolworth's, etc. We lived just a block away from a tiny *shopping center* that boasted an A&P grocery store, an awesome *mom & pop* family bakery, a drug store that sold Yardley Pot O'Gloss which just TRY to buy that on eBay now and see what it cost ya, and also a Grants store.

Now, unless you're in my age group and remember what they were like, let me describe for you what a typical sundry store/Grants was like. First off, things were CHEAP!!! Really. And they carried everything from those tiny tiny turtles the size of a quarter (before they were banned for some goofy disease-type reason) to beautiful kitschy framed prints for the home, clothing, candy, housewares, greeting cards, toys and jewelry.

Most coolio though, was that there were VERY few standing wall displays like we are now familiar with. Merchandise, in general, especially prints and bulkier items, were set around the perimeter of the store, OR displayed in row after row of flat wooden bins on tables (Even J.C.Penny's used to have these). In other words, items were displayed horizontally instead of vertically, and proper standing 'aisles' were few and scattered. So you would browse among the rows of bins, or SHORT vertical displays of goodies, many of which are what is now termed kitschy or vintage. Both Hong Kong and Made in Japan labels comprised a great deal of the decorative ware then available.

Oooh, and real quick, back to the make-up thing: in 1969 you could get a long plastic tube full of interconnecting lipsticks or eye shadows, that sold for $1. The shades were *mod* pale whites, pinks, greens & blues. Frosted pastels being the *in* thing. Check out old Star Trek re-runs to get the idea, but hair was short, teased bleached blonde, white frosted lips, BLACK mascara and eyeliner, and baby-blue frosted eyelids.

(I even had one of the few PAPER dresses! No lie, these dresses were composed from paper, and if you had a pair of white Nancy Sinatra *Go-Go* boots to go with, you were *groovy*, ladies.)

But anyway, back on track with the Christmas Kitsch thing. In the other photos there are cotton-spun, chenille pine cone Snowmen, a Lefton deer, 1950's postcards, an atomic/Sputnik ornament, Scrabble-tile wreaths I made, a pink Christmas tree with an old cut-out/diorama ornament, and vintage *corsages* everywhere - even the Sunburst clock got hit! :D

Isn't this fun?! Aren't I a nutty old lady?! Wouldn't my kids be thrilled (?) to someday inherit this crap?! ... and don't I wish I had MORE of it?! YES!!!!!!

PS - You just KNOW come January I'll be back on the dieting & minimalism kick again. :P

Win Free Brainzzzzz at Zombie Girrrl YAY !!!

2010-11-27T00:51:00.000-08:00

Seriously. If you *heart* brainnnnz as much as I do, especially brains all mashed up in a Jane Austen-styled bun [okay, I know this sounds dirty but it's not, trust me] ... SHUFFLE 'n' SHAMBLE your rotting corpse asap to enter Zombie Girrrl's totally crypt-o-licous contest for a juicy copy of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. And it even comes with a personal note from Elizabeth Bennet.

How cool is that?!

So do it NOW.

"I COMMAND YOU" (insert hypnotic subliminal-type stuff here) (if this actually works I am SO gonna try *commanding* me some peanut butter fudge for Christmas :D )

Congratulations to the WINNER! Plus a NEW giveaway coming soon!

2010-11-17T13:46:00.000-08:00

Just a quick post to announce the LUCKY WINNER

of my first - ever giveaway :D

*******CONGRATULATIONS*******

k-sunshine1977

I'll be emailing the winner shortly, so please check your inbox. And to all the wonderful people who entered, commented, followed and just plain made my day - THANK YOU XXXOOO!!!

Now then. Listen up, ye wee maggots. Auntie M.A.D. has JUST what you need to *survive* another holiday season rife with tinnitus-inducing bell-ringing Santas, fruitcakes the general flavor & consistency of mixed cement, and 8 trillion reruns of A Christmas Story/It's A Wonderful Life/Ernest Saves Christmas/Home Alone.

Seriously.

See, I love the holiday season as much as the next corpse, I really do. But we need to spice it up, don't cha think? So let's REALLY get the ol' heart a' pumpin' and have a HOLIDAY ZOMBIE PARTY!!!

And, I'm thinking a yummy copy of DUST would be a terrific present to some lucky maggot.

So I'm gonna think on this and see what magnificent mayhem I can come up with. AND - Any input or ideas are welcome, or any offers of co-hosting for those that might wish to add a grisly goodie to the pot. Just hollar at me/comment/email.

Let's see what I/We/Us can come up with to commence shortly after Thanksgiving and end sometime between Christmas/New Year's.

Book Review: Loose Rabbits

2010-11-08T15:56:00.000-08:00

Loose Rabbits of the Rabbit Trilogy by Ellen C. Maze

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Darkly compelling, Loose Rabbits grips the reader by sweaty hand to lead us inexorably through the grim corridors of vampiric experience. By turns both fascinated and repulsed, human curiosity must nevertheless be satisfied - and thus Loose Rabbits answers questions hungry readers of the Rabbit novels have begged to uncover.

With a deft flourish, Ellen C. Maze fleshes in the portrait of a haunting world where man may not claim superior position at the top of the food chain, a position already occupied by the Rakum masters. Yet for all their grim magnificence, the Rakum are not without their passions and foibles.

***

Literally, I gobbled Loose Rabbits alive! From the young Javier to the mysterious Kilmeade, I fell in love with each exotic persona as their private lives and complicated psychology unfolded before me with each turn of a page. Whether cow, rabbit or master - we are all mirrored in the pages of the Rabbit novels, our darkest fears and desires exposed for delicious examination.

A must-read!!!

View all my reviews

NOT In My Mailbox

2010-11-07T22:46:00.000-08:00

While every other blogger on the entire planet is busy burning up their keyboards posting all the stellar awesomeness they've recently received, this is a tongue-in-check mini rant - probably fever induced because I'm still sick with whatevertheheck's going around/allergies/plague.

So hugs and kudos to the rest of you lucky stinkers, and as for moi:

Here is what I did NOT get in my mailbox this past week:
Beautiful Creatures
Beautiful Darkness
Beautiful Anything
Zombies Vs Unicorns
Unicorns Vs Gnomes
Gnomes Vs Mockingjays
Beautiful Mockingjays
Radiance
Radiation
Zombies Vs Radiant Unicorns
Before I Fall
Before I Trip
After I Trip and Fall at the Mall
Twilight
Sunlight
Sunscreen Vs Zombies
Hunger
Thirst
Insomnia
Hungry Zombies Vs Thirsty Unicorns
My Soul To Keep
My Soul To Sell
My Soul to Lend at 13.7% Interest Compounded Daily
Portal
Partial
Porta Pottys and Partial Zombies

In fact, I did not get ANY book that started with an adjective, or an adverb, or even a noun/pronoun.

I DID get a flyer for a clothing sale, my utility bill, a newspaper three days out of date, and a small spider that I pretended I didn't see.

Maybe he ate my books?

To all of you with TBR piles stretching halfway around the equator, you make me sick. With jealousy LOL

The only pile I have stretching anywhere is a pile of laundry I've ignored while gluing all those ^%$#@ wreaths.

..........

Okay, okay. Actually I was fibbing for effect! :O

I did get a few terrific books in the mail, for which I am a zillion percent happy/thrilled/grateful! YAY!

Right now I'm reading Bloodthirsty (a very funny, enjoyable read) and Dying To Live - which is by far one of the better post-apocalyptic zombie books I've come across.

If I weren't so lazy/puny I'd take some pix. Maybe later, I dunno. Have to wait until the *purple stuff (what my family calls Dimetapp) kicks in.

*True story: during the better part of their lives, I dosed the kids with Dimetapp when they were sick (the doctor had recommended it, and it seemed to work well). Eventually they referred to it as *the purple stuff*, and family legend states that it cures everything from a head cold to a compound fracture (not true, but the kids swear that at the first sign of ANY problem I haul out the bottle of purple stuff).

Advanced leprosy? Purple stuff
Marital problems? Purple stuff
Overdraft? Purple stuff
Dog got worms? Purple stuff
Flat tire? Purple stuff
Nuclear holocaust? Purple stuff
Zombie insurrection? Purple stuff

My beloved kids are full of sh*t. I have never used the stuff to ward off a bad case of zombies.

Death by Sequins

2010-11-06T23:25:00.000-07:00

Okay. So for the last two weeks I've been on a *crafting* marathon. I don't know why because:
A) I hate crafts
B) Crafts hate me

Furthermore, I am dexterously challenged. No, really. Earlier this year I snapped a tendon in my left ring finger, which seemed to confuse the rest of the hand as now the other fingers try really hard to pick up the slack but nobody knows what they're supposed to be doing - it's like watching an inebriated octo-palegic arachnid trying to roller skate on ice. Sometimes I feel so embarrassed for my left hand that I'll look the other way to pretend I don't see its pathetic struggles.

Anyway.

And maybe a year before that fiasco, - my entire right arm just up and decided to not work. Yeah. Every part of my body woke up one morning, all except the right arm, which had apparently decided to go on strike or something. I guess it just got tired of life, or developed a bad attitude, or couldn't stomach one more fun-filled-fiesta of scrubbing, lifting, writing, typing, reaching, sweeping, hauling, scratching, dusting, washing, folding, etc that was its daily dose of hell.

So for several weeks it just kinda flopped around like one of those pale, freckled flounders you see dangling at the fish market. So I had to do everything with my left arm, which means that I didn't do very much, very often or very well.

I've noticed whenever any of my body parts get uppity and decides to *rebel*, I'm the one who has to suffer for it. I hate this physical crap (I am more the lofty, cerebral type - in case you couldn't tell), and if reincarnation is real I am never, EVER in a gazillionjillion years coming back to this ape infested mosh pit of a planet. :O

Okay, so whatever. My whole point - if I had one - is that I lack the necessary *delicacy/coordination/dexterity* so vital in the wildly exciting field of home-craft-projects.

And per the sarcasm above, I obviously lack the *temperament* of a home artisan craft-type person. Little, itty bitty doodads and strings, yarn, threads, needles, pins, glue, HOT glue, scissors, are all annoying, irritating instruments of torture when your body parts don't want to play along. Plus I have to wear cheaters (reading glasses) to see anything smaller than a Volvo.

However.

I do seem to suffer from a surfeit of estrogen, which means that my brain will instantly SPOT anything cute, glittery, adorable, colorful, shiny (like a Magpie) - and con me into believing that I could make that!

Stupid brain. [To all the women reading this: it is NOT your fault when you eat an entire pint of Ben & Jerry's while staring into the freezer wondering what to thaw out to feed your ungrateful family. Nor is it your fault when you can smell the latest limited edition Yankee Candle clear across the mall. It is ALSO not your fault if you actually CARED whether Bella chose Edward over Jacob, because they both had unique *howt* points that your husband/boyfriend/UPS Guy would never grasp nor care to *explore* with you no matter how hard you tried to get your *interest* across. And lastly, it is most CERTAINLY not your fault if you experience the sudden, urgent/immediate desire to analyze down to the last minutia where your love relationship is heading, even if you and He are in the middle of rush hour traffic on the N.J. turnpike. It is your BRAIN responsible for the above. You are just an innocent victim of it all.]

So my brain made me think I ought to make some pretty yarn wreaths, like the kind you see on Etsy, for the holidays.

Being easily fooled - nay, gullible - I rolled with the stupid idea. For two weeks I've holed up in my large, walk-in closet which actually serves as a dandy place to do stupid projects that I'm too fastidious/humiliated to have scattered all over the house. I swear to God, by the end of last night, when all 15 wreaths had been completed and packaged up for a vendor's show, my humble closet looked like Hobby Lobby had barfed.

No lie. Seriously. This would probably be funny if I were on stronger meds, but I'd picked up, at a rummage sale for a quarter, a large container of thousands of microscopic beads and sequins - in about a thousand different shades/colors/hues. And here's the important thing: none of them were separated, it was just one big bowl of craft soup. And that is when I discovered that the great deal I got was going to cost me dozens of man-hours sorting all that crap. So naturally I didn't separate a darn thing, instead I just picked out what I needed as I needed it - thereby creating a process SO slow and ungainly that it made evolution look like an impromptu date.

And not to be a whiner, but my GAWD when they say *HOT* glue gun what they really mean is "hot enough to melt small rocks or ignite distant suns*. Oh. And bare in mind you are supposed to keep the glue gun, when in operation (fancy talk for 'plugged in'), in the upright position and not to let it rest on its side. So right there not only did I need 7 or 8 pairs of hands to hold the wreath, position the yarn, place the sequin AND make sure the damn glue gun didn't tip over because the stupid stand they give you to rest it on has all the tensile strength of a snowflake in hell.

Stupid gun.

Did I mention I'm still sick? Well, if not, let me impart a pearl of wisdom here. Don't try to blow your nose while using a glue gun. I don't care HOW much you're sniffling. Just swallow the sinus and try not to reflect on what a disgusting, oozing blob of carbon you really are. Trust me on this one and just go with it.

Also. If you are sick while crafting: Don't sneeze within a five mile radius of all those sequins/beads. You'll send those babies flying so far you'll be picking them out of the carpeting come Easter. IF the cat/dog/kid doesn't find them and eat them first. Unless they need more *fiber* in their diet, that is.

But do make sure you KEEP TRACK of each and every single straight pin. Even if it means renting one of those super-duper microscopes like the kind they use at NASA, or swathing your entire body with scotch tape and rolling around on the floor like a goober. Do whatever it takes to insure you have left no straight pin unturned. Unless you happen to enjoy midnight runs to the emergency room because you stepped on one of the tiny bastards, got it embedded into the flesh of your foot, where it immediately went septic, and is threatening to turn your entire foot, calf, thigh, trunk, etc into a hideous puddle of gangrene so awful that doctors are going to want to amputate everything south of your eyeballs.

Speaking of eyeballs.

That's another thing. If you are slothful, like me, and don't see the point in getting all dressed up just to sit around in your closet crafting for hours on end, so you get all comfy in your jammies instead, because it's not like company's gonna drop by and sip Earl Grey with you anyway. So if you do this kind of craft crapping in your PJ's, you especially want to make sure not to accidentally *carry* any straight pins with you when you finally decide to call it quits and go to bed.

Because, and maybe I'm just a pessimist here, but next to a spinal tap, the last thing you want is to wake up with one eyeball pierced to the pillow because by some nefarious machinations known only to Murphy's Law, the stupid pin worked its way out of your jammies and made its slow, stealthy path to your pillow where it became stuck in the drool and waited there - biding its time - until your one good eye came in contact with the pin whereby it suddenly sprang to life and launched itself straight into the retina and is making a beeline for your brain, even as we speak.

But your brain deserves it. Because IT is what gave you/me/us the stupid idea in the first place.

Remember, we're all just innocent victims of whatever neural synapses happen to (mis)fire at any given moment.

And I really think Bella should've picked Jacob.

101 Ways to Blow Your Nose

2010-11-02T10:22:00.000-07:00

Not to be an alarmist, but I am almost positive I've been struck down with some kind of rare, ultra-secret black plague-styled pathogen that turns ordinary bodily functions - such as breathing and blinking - into an Olympian exercise in feverish futility.

Did any of that make sense? Not that I care. I really don't.

I'm too miserable to care. (If this seems like some weak, pathetic attempt to garner lots of sympathy and maybe some of that fancy hot chocolate that comes in those little packages with pictures of Sweden/Denmark/Netherlands, you are absolutely correct. Normally my attempts are more forcefully energetic. But I'm feeling puny and this is the best I can do.)

I even made this post BOLD/LARGE so I can easily read the monitor, which is hard to do because I think my dead relatives are beckoning me to come into the Light and I can't pay attention writing/beckoning at the same time.

I'm not sure if I'm also being sucked into the "Tunnel" or if it's just the head full of mucus/snot/gross crap that's making me dizzy.

Either way.

Head cold, my ass. There are razor blades of blinding light searing the delicate tissue of my retinas. Also I am fairly convinced the Demon (well, lesser minion anyways) of Underwater Hearing and Sound Sensitivity has taken possession of my ear canals. I think I can literally hear the cat shedding.

And instead of my typical breakfast of delicious, delightful Diet Mtn. Dew merrily coursing its caffienated way through my eagerly receptive neurons, it has instead decided to curl up into a slothful ball of queasy/heavy/future-barf smack dab in the center of my tender tummy. Kinda like the feeling of standing on a ship's deck. The rolling, nauseous caution that makes you want to lay down. Quick.

I don't even know if I'm being funny here. Can anybody tell? I can't. Plus the keyboard feels like it's miles and miles away instead of passively resting under my fingertips - which, btw, seem to be operating independently of my brain.

Well, of course they are. The fingertips are all happy and perky because THEY don't have sinus cavities. Screw them. See if THEY get a manicure anytime soon. (This is a big fat lie. Even if I were the poster child for perfect health, I'm not up for a manicure today. Or tomorrow. I'm still struggling to get 10 zillion wreaths made up by Friday night and, between straight pins and the HOT glue gun, my fingertips look like they've contracted a rather hideous form of leprosy. My bad.)

Maybe it's just the fever talking. Not that I can prove I have a fever. The only thermometer we have on hand is one of those old glass, rectal things. And there's no way that thing's going in my mouth. It's probably still crawling with baby-butt germs from decades ago. Probably, it should go in the trash but since it's a mercury filled one and you can't legally just THROW the things away and since it's easier to keep it in the back of the medicine chest to give the dust bunnies something to play with I still have it. Call me an animal lover.

Whatever. I'm done here.

BTW. As a sort of post-Halloween horrorfest, I watched the first two movies in the Wrong Turn trilogy last night. Great. Just great. Now I'm scared to death to ever go camping/hiking/walking/driving within a billion miles any wooded foresty-type area.

Anybody watched those movies? If so, exactly how far into the movie were you before you wanted to slap a big roll of duct tape over that guy's mouth who kept yelling (for all the inbred crazies to hear) "HELLLLLOOOOO ... ANYBODY HERE?"

If there's anything we've all learned from our love of scary movies and books, is this ... keep your stupid mouth shut.

So we're watching part 3 tonight. While I wrap wreaths. And blow my nose while using a hot glue gun. There's so many ways this could go wrong ...

PS. I'm too apathetic to use spellcheck today. :P

Alien Tin Foil Hat Giveaway - The Host by Stephanie Meyer

2010-10-25T19:15:00.000-07:00

**CONTEST NOW CLOSED**
I'll be selecting the winner soon and contacting he/she/it via email, so be sure to watch your inbox! The lucky winner will also be announced on a separate post. Thank you guys for visiting me and participating in my very FIRST giveaway. Hopefully more giveaways will be upcoming in the near future (depending on my budget lol).

MY FIRST BOOK GIVEAWAY!!!

In honor of Halloween and all things *other-worldly*, I have a brand new copy of The Host up for grabs.

See, a very good fiend ... I mean friend *cough* ... has bolstered me with the nerve ... *ahem* confidence ... to host (no pun intended) my very own contest. She's helped me time and again to understand some of the ins and outs of blogging, reviewing, technical bs, and all the tedious minutia that comprise this little window to the world called Mary Ann DeBorde Writes (and Reads!).

Without her patient support, I'm sure I'd be drooling in a corner somewhere.

So without further ado, and before I let Bubba from Tiny Trailer Town out of Pitfalls, Illinois pass on the skinny for the giveaway - I want to say:

THANK YOU, VELVET!

"This here be Bubba. Now, I knows you folks been worryin' and wringin' yer hands 'bout them leetle bug-eyed critters flyin' round all over t'place like saucers on steroids, they be.

It were be honest o' me t'admit that I been worried sumthin fierce, too. It be hard e-nuff to keep Six-Toes-Ted's beer cans picked up out o' my yard cos he is the laziest son of a gun I ever did see an' won't pick up after his self no matter if I threaten to tell Maybelle 'bout that time he been flirtin' with that yung gal down at the Dollar Barn like he ain't been married no dang twenty year to the best leetle woman who can bake a biskit like nobody I ever did seen.

Now I gots t' worry bout them aliens an' theys fancy schamncy flyin' saucers they parade round in tearin' up my sheet metal an' I just got the dents hammered out last month after that bad hailstorm we done had.

Plus the widder Smith ain't been seen in a week an' t'tell you the truth I swear on my Ford pickup it be so, that I am thinkin' them dang bugly aliens done stole her clean to Mars, they did an' prolly proud of it!

Honest t'gawd.

Watch out, folks is all I'm gonna say for here on out. Them fugly bug people will get in yor head and steal yor brains gone ... jes like them dang zombeez. If'n it ain't one thang it's a'nother.

So here's the deal I done thought up-

To help folk out with t'alien invasion I think you need to enter to win The Host by Stephanie Meyer. It be a good read an' you might larn sumthin'.

{SORRY FOLKS, BUT THIS HERE GIVEAWAY BE OPEN TO USA ONLY!}

* YOU GOTTA FOLLOW THIS HERE BLOG IN GFC FER YOR ENTRIES TO COUNT. Cos we don't want no alien critters sneakin' in here to steal our brainzz.

* Then leave yor NAME/alias and email in that comment thang so we kin get ahold o'you if'n you win

*An' fer one EXTRA entry - send that nice gal Mary Ann a picture of a tin-foil hat, granny's old metal colander like we done used below, or whutever you thank will keep yor brains safe from fugly bugly critters an' zombeez, too. Jes leave the picture link in a SEPARATE comment.

*An' fer one MORE entry - leave a comment at that Velvet gal's site (vvb32reads) an' head on back over here to tell us about it in another SEPARATE comment. If you want to tell her how much you like ol' Bubba here, that is fine as moonshine in May!

So you can be gettin' yorself a total of 3 entries, jes be sure to put each entry in a separate comment. I be thinking that's it, then.

Oh, an' one more thang. This here contest will CLOSE at 11:59 p.m. on November 10th, central time. So don't mess around, git on it. You know you want some o' this.

THE WINNING ENTRY WILL BE DRAWN BLINDFOLDED OUT O' GRANNY'S COLANDER ON NOVEMBER 11TH OR SUM THIN' LIKE THAT, I DO BELIEVE.

Bubba out ~

I Need Your Input!

2010-10-23T21:47:00.000-07:00

Maybe I'm feeling a certain way because I'm under the weather with a seasonal allergy that gives every indication of quickly turning into a full-blown sinus infection.

You know how it goes. The headache day after day, eyes sensitive to light, dizzy when you tilt your head, sneezing, throat ache, body aches, out of body experience (I wish! lol).

So anyway. I don't know if I'm merely feeling funky or at some bizarre mid-life crisis thing?

But for the last year, I've struggled with the concept of minimalism. You know - frugal, basic living. Ridding myself of STUFF: clutter, figurines, knick-knacks, excess furniture, dishes, bowls, cookware, yard crap, old books I've collected, vintage jewelry, Christmas collectibles and on and on and on.

I don't know if I'm just feeling my age/mortality (okay, it IS only a sinus bug!) ... or is something deeper at work - an inner dissatisfaction simmering under the surface?

Mind you, I'm not remotely what you'd call a hoarder. If anything, I'm a very tidy, organized individual. A typical Virgo you might say, with a place for everything and everything in its place.

Still though, I'm feeling overwhelmed these days. My place is small and I've (once again) acquired more than I'm comfortable with.

My question is this: Do you ever REALLY feel the urge to chuck at least half of what you've got? Do you guys ever feel practically burdened by having to move stuff, clean stuff, shift stuff around, rearrange stuff, pack up stuff, sort stuff, and so on?
Have you ever seriously considered downsizing your home, your life - to take a hard-nosed no-nonsense look at what's really worth keeping as opposed to what you've gotten into the habit of holding onto?

Do you get tired of being a 'consumer'? Of bringing MORE stuff into your home?

I dunno. Maybe it's just my current mood.

But on the other hand, consider the following:

1) You can't take your stuff with you, whenever that time comes. My kids don't really share my taste in old, vintage antique crap. They don't start drooling over a 1960 Mid-Century Modern pole lamp. Actually, I think they'd rather p*ss glass than have to deal with any of my collectibles down the road. So who am I holding onto all this for? Me, I guess. But is this really what my life's all about? Stuff?

2) Is the economy going to worsen? If so, would I be better to try and sell off the excess and get while the getting's good? Because the sad truth of the matter is that no matter WHAT the fair market value of any item supposedly is, it's only true worth is what someone is willing to pay.

Furthermore, I have these altruistic fantasies. Like working in a soup kitchen. Except we're a small town, I'm somewhat disabled, and there's not too much I can find/am physically able to do in that regard. But I'm sincerely feeling the desire to pay it forward - somehow.

This sounds totally ludicrous, but when reading literature from the early 20Th century, I'm always envious of those adventurous characters who backpacked or bicycled across Europe in the those days. Paying their way via odd jobs and seeing the world via the back roads of small hamlets and villages, farms and vineyards. Can you imagine?!

Even a decade ago when I was still somewhat able to walk my brains out, I had the inner desire to put my life on hold and set off across the US. Not by car, you understand. But by foot, with all my simple needs carried on my back. Just to do it, to have that experience. (In all honesty, I probably would've made it 40 miles, gotten a blister and decided to chuck the whole goofy idea for a hot bath and civilization lol).

So that's what I mean. Am I just being silly, or moody, or is something vital seeking expression? The way I feel right now, 2/3rds of what I own could go bye bye for all I care. Maybe my system's low on chocolate (egad!)~

What about you guys? Ever feel like this? And if so, what do you do about it?

I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!

2010-10-16T12:55:00.000-07:00

Even though I'm up to my crumbling chiney-chin-chin in multiple projects & minutia at the moment, I just wanted to make a wee post to let all my beloved friends, fellow book bloggers, & talented author friends to know how much I ...

*LOVE* YOU GUYS!!!!!!!

Thank you for the smiles, all the fun, interesting posts, uplifting comments, giveaways and goodies I've had the ultimate pleasure to enjoy. Mostly thank you for giving this *noobie* a chance to throw her 1.5 cents into the collective pot.

Here is wishing EACH and everyone of you all the best this world has to offer.

Hugs & Bugs,
M.A.D.

Beam Me Up, Scotty!

2010-10-15T21:07:00.000-07:00

HIGHLY IMPORTANT LATE-BREAKING TECHNICAL AND SCIENTIFICALLY VALIDATED *ALIEN* DISCLOSURES THAT I JUST MADE UP:

Whilst my previous alien post presented a rough list of what many serious ufologists consider to be *benchmarks* suggestive of actual close encounter experiences, I felt it pertinent to present further information that is SO highly secretive it is known only to myself and the rather large dust bunny languishing behind my refrigerator.

Now, being as how this material is so astonishingly informative and, let us say ... *controversial* - you may wish to print out several thousand copies of this post and distribute them freely among your co-workers, door-to-door solicitors, or other people you really don't like. Notice I used Christmas colors which means this post will also make a wonderful addition to those typical mind-numbling-ly boring family *newsletters* that people love to enclose in otherwise pleasant Christmas Cards. I mean, who really looks forward to hearing about Uncle Ed's latest hemorrhoid removal?

No need to thank me, but feel free to send me expensive fruit baskets, imported fudge, or cashmere sweaters as a small token of your undying gratitude. No C.O.D., please.

Ahem. Okay. Here we go -

Fact 1: There are no such things as "Alien Abductions"
Freakin' duh. I mean, who's gonna abduct an alien, for cryin' out loud? And where you gonna keep it anyway, in the basement next to the leaky freezer? That'd go over real well when the kiddies head downstairs to play Halo.

Fact 2: There ARE, however, such things as "Human Abductions"
According to the latest statistics compiled by the prestigious research assistants at the International House of Galactic Pandemonium & Pancakes, as many as 3 zillion Earthlings are abducted every week - especially if they have a middle name such as Bob, June or Bell. [E.g. Leroy Bob, Betty June or Mary Bell.]

This already unsettling figure becomes much higher if Miller, Bud Lite or Boone's Farm has been ingested, - often resulting in what is known in Ufology as...

Fact 3: MISSING TIME (*How to Get Away with being 2 Hours Late to Anything*)
Sure, it's hard to prove. That's the BEAUTY of 'missing time'! Late for work? Missing time. Late for Betty June's poetry recital at the Senior Center's Annual Stewed Prunes Festival? Missing time. Is your life in ruins because you were supposed to be at the Chapel getting married at 8 a.m. and now it's 10:15 AND how the hell are you gonna explain this one to your humiliated fiancee, her uppity sister who drives an electric car all over town, ... and NOT to mention that you reek like a brewery and are missing all the one dollar bills out of your wallet?

Darn that ol' missing time! ;D

Fact 4: The Alien/Human Hybrid Family Unit (or Leave It To Betelgeuse). Sadly, according to some of the most renowned researchers in the field, it is a sobering truth that just about everybody on the face of this planet has, unbeknownst to them, an Alien husband or wife with whom they have produced enough fugly bug-eyed kids that even the Galactic Child-Support System cannot process all the paperwork.
I hate to be the one to break it to you, but all I can say is that you do NOT have an alien SPOUSE tucked away in the vast recesses of your subconscious cellar. Nope, sorry to tell you this - because what you DO have instead is an Alien user who thinks so little of your reputation that he/she/it has not even bothered to make it legal. Face it, these guys are just players and there's no way your EVER getting invited to Christmas dinner at their house/starship.
Plus, they're ALREADY married but their alien spouses don't understand them the way that YOU do. Capeche?

So there you have it. The truth hurts, but someone had to spill the beans. I like to think that in some small way, by posting this, I've given back to society and we'll all be better off for it in the end.

Speaking of END - watch out for those Aliens and their pesky a.n.a.l. probes! :O

I'll leave THAT one for Bubba at Tiny Trailer Town to handle.

So stay tuned for an alien themed giveaway coming up REAAAAAAALLLY soon!

This is your Commander Salamander, signing off.

blogs visited:

freda

SiNn

McPig

The Aliens are COMING!

2010-10-14T23:33:00.000-07:00

THEY ARE COMING FOR YOU !!!

Brace yourselves, hapless mortals.
Someone, something watches always.
Think I'm kidding?
You wish.

Can you answer YES to any of the following?
1) Have you seen unexplained lights in the sky?
2) Have you experienced the sensation of being watched by something unseen?
3) Have you awakened at 3:00 a.m. in unexplained and absolute terror?
4) Do you dream of owls, cats, large eyed beings - typically in groups of three?
5) Have you experienced sleep paralysis while seeing diminutive creatures waiting silently at the foot of your bed?
6) Are you terrified of doctors or dentists?
7) Are you terrified of heights?
8) Have you seen or dreamt of being pulled into a tractor beam of blinding light?
9) Do you feel chosen, or special, or feel the frustration of some special task assigned to you?
10) Have you experienced dreams of emotional manipulation?
11) Have you had an OBE?
12) Do you lucid dream?
13) Have you dreamt of mysterious cousins, or unknown family members?
14) Do you dream of insects, or bug-like creatures entering in your eyes?
15) Have you dreamt of anyone or anything within a 6-8 inch distance from your face, intently staring at you?
16) Have you awoken to discover unexplained bruises, scars or scoop-marks on your person?
17) Have you experienced unexplained nose-bleeds or sinus problems?
18) If female, have you experienced a life-time of gynecological problems?
19) Have you dreamt of babies, small children, or been given to know that you have produced unknown offspring somewhere else?
20) Does it make you uncomfortable to have your curtains or blinds open after dark?
21) Have you dreamt of undergoing operations?
22) Are you fascinated by UFO and alien literature?
23) Do you *react* to artistic representations of the typical Gray alien?
24) Do you struggle to reconcile any paranormal subjective encounters into an objective world view?
25) Are you subject to active bursts of synchronicity (seeing 11:11, etc)?
26) Do you feel monitored in any way?
27) Have you seen the dead?
28) Are you driven by a powerful thirst for answers?

And lastly, would you like to win a copy of HOST?

stay tuned and keep those tinfoil hats ready ... ;D

M.A.D. Challenge 1 - "The Brady Lunch"

2010-10-08T18:12:00.000-07:00

Ah, me wee little worms of wiggly wickedness - don't ye just loive t' smell of October in t'air?!

T'mere thought of Halloween fills me bony hollows with such warmth n' joy as t'bring a hint of tear to this maggoty old cheek, it does.

An' here I have t'tell ye,

with so much pride me liver be fixin' t'burst -

t'hat penning t'following undead tribute to them wonderful

Brady kids and t'beloved TV show be just t'first of many such challenges t'come.

Me hat and head is off t'Zombie Girrrl for t'hinking up such grisly good fun in t'first place!!!

And don't be forgetting to visit that rotting rapscallion t'read her contribution t'this First Edition of the M.A.D. Challenge - where we crumbling comrades spin our own vile versions of much treasured

books, movies, TV, songs and what'ever else should happen t'bite

us in t'brain!

The Brady LUNCH

Here's the story,
Of a corpse named Sadie,
Who was bringing up three decomposing ghouls
All of them had rot & mold,
Like their mother,
The youngest one ate squirrels.

Here's the story,
Of mor-ti-cian Brady,
Who was busy with three stiffs of his own.
They all smelled bad, but only one was sad,
'Cos he was still alone.

Til the one day when old Sadie bit this fellow,
and his bones made a sat-is-fy-ing crunch.
She stirred his brains in soup,
and called the whole dang group,
and that's the way Zombies ate their Brady Lunch.

The Brady Lunch - the Brady Lunch!
That's the way the Zombies ate their Brady Lunch!!

I Have Been Challenged ...

2010-10-05T08:28:00.000-07:00

By one of my favorite fractured fiends, to pen a zombie mash-up to the theme from the Brady Bunch. Or, as we undead lovelies prefer to say - The Brady Lunch!

After all, October is all about HALLOWEEN, ye grim little goblins!

So. Methinks I'd best be getting out the ol' rhyming dictionary, hadn't I?

"There was a story, 'twas somewhat gory, ..."

PS ... don't tell Zombie Girrrl, but I am sooooo going to get her! Stay tuned to find out how I do it ;D hehehehehe

Crawl

2010-10-02T01:46:00.000-07:00

As I have simply no use for pointless beginnings ... 'he said, she said' and further banalities, I will begin where most pertinent in accordance to my whim.

The skies may have been blue, or the grass a verdant green. And a love interest, had I possessed one, might have chewed his nails in angst over my proclivity towards aloofness.

As it is, none of that need concern one here.

For my Here with a capital 'H' happens to be sandwiched between above and below, underneath a ponderous Victorian cellar floor - heavily webbed with cracks which have split the bricks and caused the mortar to crumble in spots - AND somewhere above a sharply pitched ancient roof as might be seen in those European towns still old in the time of the Brothers Grimm.

For I have encountered the most incredible of discoveries. That of which is a house fully buried beneath the one I have lived my entire life in ignorance of its existence.

House A and House B.

Here I will admit that had I not been painfully and rather suddenly devoid of a love interest, likely I would not have been searching through the dismal alcoves of our cellar in search of my father's cache of 'company' wines and spirits - for when my mother was alive our home was frequently given to entertainment.

I wish I had found a bottle of something - anything -because I could certainly use a stiff belt of courage given my current situation.

As I said, I am quite inexplicably and confoundedly sandwiched between here and there, above and below, and I am practically smothered in filth as I'm catching my breath perched on this rickety excuse of a stairwell that seems less life-worthy than my mother's 1923 rolls-royce silver ghost salamanca languishing in the coach house these last two years.

to be continued at leisure.

October Trix-N-Treatz EVENT

2010-10-01T22:41:00.001-07:00

Harken up, all you brazen book lovin' maladapts!!!

One of my very best blog buds is hosting a wickedly awesome MONTH LONG event with tons of gruesome giveaways, interviews, interactive mayhem & ghostly goodness galore!

CLICK HERE to visit Doctor Viii and check out her schedule of activities.

Just a word o' warning, my wee charnal chums:

She's starting the month off with a bang! First one the list is *The Carnivale* ...

brrr. Brave I may be with zombies, vamps & shape shifters.

But!

Carnivals scare the beejeezis outta me.

Truth.

Especially creepy ones ...

I'd rather face a horde of slathering werewolves than a crowd of evil, cheesy-face clowns.

Ugh.

Dolls, too. With those fixed, glassy eyed stares. :0

PS. Rumor has it that sometime during the month aliens may be involved!?!

We'll have to check in with Bubba and the good folk at Tiny Trailer Town in

Pitfalls, Illinois to get the skinny.

Might even be a giveaway ...

So grab the tin foil and start making those anti-alien hats, boyz n' ghouls!

And while you're waiting to see where the nefarious space-pirate-people-grabbin' bug-eyed evil Greys are headed next, drop in at Velvet's for a helluva good time.

Tell her Bubba sent you!

Happy Book Lover's Dance

2010-09-30T22:05:00.000-07:00

TODAY ROCKED!
This first book I discovered buried in a huge table of books at our annual Genealogical & Historical Society sale!

The Short Stories of [Guy] de Maupassant; pub. 1941 Blue Ribbon Books.
For lovers of Victorian ghosts/supernatural genre, this is a collection of some of the best short stories to be found. Guy de Maupassant is often considered to be one of the founding fathers of the modern short story, influencing O. Henry and Henry James.

I think The Horla [the inspiration for H.P. Lovecraft's The Call of Cthulhu!]was my first introduction to the french genius that was Maupassant's. The Necklace is another popular tale frequently reprinted in anthologies of this genre.

This was a real boon to my library; I can't wait to curl up with this come winter and discover what stories I've missed to date.

The second picture [above] is a wonderful win from The Elliott Review!

Thanks & Hugs Galore, Jessi! :D

Wicked Lovely by Melissa Marr.

From the back cover:

RULE #3 - Don't stare at invisible faeries

RULE #2 - Don't speak to invisible faeries

RULE #1 - Don't ever attract their attention

Wow! I've been eager to read this book for ever, and am so tickled to have been blessed to win a copy.

AND check out the yummy swag ...

Dark Days and Wicked Nights free sampler featuring all-new work from Allyson James, Yasmine Galenorn, Devyn Quinn, Marie Treanor, Meljean Brook [love her stuff!] & Laura Wright. Plus assorted goodies.

Strange. I'm almost looking forward to when the snow flies :0

A Hungry Familiar

2010-09-28T22:13:00.000-07:00

Here's my beloved little stinker - Polly - giving me the *hint* that the kitty food dish needs to be topped off [again ... constantly ... omg!]

You guys know how people food is often packaged with a 'best used by' date?
Well, the kitty dish at my house operates via a similar method.

Yup. Apparently any cat food placed within its confines becomes stale/inedible/subject-to-feline-disdain once it has aged in the bowl for longer than 3-5 minutes.

Plus I'm a sucker for cute/furry.

Look at that adorable round grey *soul patch* on her chin!

When we rescued her as an abandoned stray - 6 years ago - she was so painfully thin it hurt. Needless to say she's now part of the family, and my life is richer for having her in it.

BTW - it's somewhat humbling to discover just how smart our pets may sometimes be. We've taught Polly to play hide & seek, to understand how some things work [like lights off/on], a whole host of words & expressions that she seems to grasp the basic idea behind.

Funnily enough, one night I was giving myself a pedicure with Polly up beside me on the bed. She kept watching and seemed fairly intrigued by what I was doing. So [with the lid on, of course] - I showed her the bottle of nail polish, my toes where I was painting them, the loofah, etc. After taking in the whole thing, she stuck out one of her legs and began grooming. LOL

Coincidence? Probably. But whether it was my own kids, a friend, or even somebody's pet ... I've always enjoyed 'reaching' to someone's particular level, relating to them, and hopefully passing a smile/or a bit of learning along the way.

My kids say I'm a natural teacher, or artist, or writer. That I should be doing something *important* with my life.

Where in the h*ll am I supposed to find the time to do something more *important* than keeping the cat food topped off?

At least Polly thinks I'm doing just fine.

Or does she???????

:0

Darkfever by Karen Marie Moning

2010-09-28T13:54:00.000-07:00

From the back cover:

"Hunting her sister's murderer in the gritty streets of Dublin, MacKayla Lane discovers a power she didn't know she possessed: the ability to track an ancient evil lost by the immortal race that created it"

Doesn't this sound intensely wonderful? And that cover art - WOW! Quite the attention grabber, eh? I'm very excited to have won this book from Pamela at

The Discriminating Fangirl.

Saturday Book Brag!

2010-09-25T12:47:00.000-07:00

Ah, the Gods of Awesome-Books-From-Rummage-Sales trice blessed me today!
Left to right:

TRULY, MADLY by Heather Webber (VERY good condition!), Lucy Valentine has the powers of Cupid - at least according to family legend. But did her powers to read couple's auras and perfectly match them up get ZAPPED by an electrical surge? Because now her gift seems to lay in finding objects - including a missing wedding ring on a dead body!

WOLFSBANE and MISTLETOE (hb), an anthology of hair-raising holiday tales. Includes authors Charlaine Harris, Patricia Briggs, Keri Arthur and Carrie Vaughn! This one made my day, in mint condition no less.

PRIDE and PREJUDICE by Jane Austin, Penguin Classics edition, very good but read condition. Okay, [looks nervously around] ... I have to admit my shameful little secret ... I have NEVER read ... ahem ... er ... ah ... ANY Jane Austin!
BUT, before you tar & feather this worthless heathen of a bibliophile, now I can join the ranks of those better read than I. OR soon anyway. Pretty soon. At least right after I get finished with Dust. Sorry, but even zombies beat out the classics right now. Maybe it's just the menopause talking?

AND here is my *tacky* cost brag [Okay, so I love being thrifty! lol] ...
Even though I purchased these babies at three separate yard sales, EACH book only cost .25c!!!

Yeppers, for 6 bits I added another week's worth of fun reading to my winter pile.
See, here in Illinois winter can be quite the show-stopper. We're talking bitter cold & snow that last foooooooooorrrreverrrrrrrrrrrr. Ugh.

So in my estimation, winter is the perfect time to read & write. And maybe toss a pot of cheesy/chive potato soup on the stove, add a crispy, buttery loaf of home baked bread [no bread machine here, gals - strictly a knead-your-own kinda baker!], plus some bubble bath indulgence, followed by a steaming mug of amaretto hot cocoa whilst shoving my winter-sinus-stuffy nose deep inside the pages of paranormal plots.

How do YOU prepare for winter in your neck of the woods? ;D

I Have Been Duly Christened ...

2010-09-20T16:05:00.000-07:00

By a squirrel.

Indeed.

......sigh. So there I was. Beautiful fall afternoon. Blue skies. Gentle breeze. Helping my bf at his place; he was busy installing a new garage door while I was occupied painting the new pine trim a crisp, fresh coat of white.

Standing under a rather large, spreading walnut tree.

At first I thought it had started to rain, as a cascade of gentle drops fell from above onto my (freshly shampooed) hair, shoulder, arm and foot (in sandals, of course). How bizarre, I thought, brushing the drops through my hair. Why, there wasn't a cloud in the sky.

Until I really looked up to notice an evil, zombie squirrel (well - he coulda been!) happily perched on a branch roughly 12 feet directly above me - chattering away. Not a care in the world, and just shit all happy to have relieved his bladder on the hapless ape below him.

Little stinker :0

No help from the male of my species, he just laughed til he cried.

I laughed as well, because I happen to be taking some stellar antidepressants these days (thanks doc!) :D

Anyway, I stank of squirrel pee for a couple of hours until I could get home to shower, and for some bizarre reason I just felt like sharing this.

And how was YOUR day?

Team Zombie Strikes Again

2010-09-19T03:50:00.000-07:00

Welcome, my beloved Bloats - to another grisly gathering of Team Zombie! Do shuffle in and make yourselves at home, there's a good team!
For your delicate digestion, we've prepared a humble treat:

Sullivan McPig has generously donated an ENTIRE unicorn brain which Velvet sauteed to putrefied perfection in an aromatic mixture of foxglove & hemlock! Aren't our ghouls simply mah-velous?! Let's give the girls a big hand (Ted, that was a metaphor... return Zombie Girrl's arm this instant!).

One must admit we zombies are the undisputed gourmets of the graveyard, are we not?! Who says we are but mindless, moldering hordes, all brawn and no brain? Why, Team Zombie simply REEKS of brains, do we not?! (...will someone explain the joke to Ted?).

Now then. While Lexie and Ashley pass around the plates, and Titania hands out napkins, everyone look under your stones. There you will each find a copy of our latest additions to the already burgeoning world of Undead Literature & Art!

(sigh ...UNDER the stone, Ted. Yes. You'll have to get up FIRST, there's a bright fellow).

I shall now read aloud from my own copy. Anyone with suggestions do feel free to mark them in the comment section.

Ahem...

BOOKS:

The Oxford Dictionary of Embalming Techniques

Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Zombie Sex But Were To Squeamish To Ask

The Gizzard of Oz

Gone With The Wendigo

The Catcher On The Rye With Mayo

(Way) Beneath The Good Earth

Lord of The Blow Flies

The Sound and The Fury of Flatulence

Silas Marner's Mortuary

A Separate Piece

1984 Bites

(S)MOTHER GOOSE:

Wee Willie Stinky Winkie

This Old Man (had brittle bones)

Twinkle, Twinkle Little Shroud

Ten Little Indian Burial Grounds

Yankee Doodle Ate My Poodle

There Was An Old Woman (Who Died In a Shoe)

Rub a Dub Grub - Three Heads By The Shrub

Scary Mary White & Hairy

Mary Had a Little Lamb's Liver

Jack and Jill Crawled Up The Hill

The Farmer In The Well

It's Raining, It's Pouring, My Dead Uncle's Snoring

Little Bo Peep Marinated Her Sheep

TELEVISION:

The Six-Million Dollar Maggot

Rules of Derangement

Saturday Night Dead

How I Buried Your Mother

So You Think You Can Dig

Creeping Up On The Kardashians

The Offal Office

The Buzzards of Waverly Place

i8Carly

***

There now. Wasn't that frightful fun?! Ah, it does a body good to bask in the worm companionship of one's pestilent peers.

Please be so kind as to deposit your plates and napkins in the casket on the way out (he's WHAT? Egad! ... in the casket? ... oh dear heaven ... TED STOP THAT THIS INSTANT! Put your bone away ... there's a good lad!)

Epic Book Fortune!

2010-09-17T15:06:00.000-07:00

The last couple of weeks have been incredibly shelf-loving for me.

Between blog wins, birthday gifts and old-fashioned thrift from scouring
yard sales this past week, take a gander at all the wonderful reads I've suddenly amassed:

My retro-groovy 1960 hutch is quickly filling up!

Sweet Valley High: Evil Twin duo by Kate William - rummage find

The Harrowing by A. Sokoloff - rummage find

YA paranormals today's rummage find:

Charmed - The Power of Three by Eliza Willard

Circle of Three - So Mote It Be by Isobel Bird

Gallows Hill by Lois Duncan

Lisa Harrison: The Clique Collection boxed sets 1 & 2

( gotta luv those yard sales, baby! ;D )

Rummage find

Dead Names (The Dark History of the Necronomicon) by Simon

Making Out By Katherine Applegate: today's rummage find

Zoey Fools Around

Jake Finds Out

Nina Won't Tell

Ben's In Love

Another stellar rummage score!

The A-List by Zoey Dean

The Thirteenth Tale by Diane - rummage find

MORE rummage sale awesomeness found today -

a huge lot of 13 Buffy The Vampire Slayer books!

My daughter must love her nutty mom! For my birthday she surprised me with this F.A.N.T.A.S.T.I.C. gift:

The Blue is For Nightmares by Laurie Faria Stolarz boxed collection!!!

Oh, and here's another rummage score I made today :)

The Silver Wolf by Alice Borchardt

A fun win from Jane at Mid Life Bloggers

It's Not P.M.S., It's YOU! by Deb Amlen

A MUCH desired zombie book, again from my beloved daughter for my birthday!

Soulless by Christopher Golden

And here's an UBER-awesome win from guest author Prue Batten,

and one of my dearest blog buddies, Velvet at vvb32 Reads!

The Stumpwork Robe

The Last Stitch

Yet another yummy win!
This one courtesy of Strange Candy Reviews

The Phoenix Files: Arrival by Chris Morphew

Doesn't The Last Waltz sound beautiful?! By G.F. Vandagriff

This win came from an Examiner Contest courtesy of the author

Stealing Athena by Karen Essex

Dracula In Love by Karen Essex

Both the above luscious wins came from

Sari at The View From Saris World

DUST: A *Squee!* surprise win from Yan at Books By Their Cover

**************************************************************

Watch THIS Space

2010-09-16T09:31:00.000-07:00

~ : COMING SOON : ~

My very FIRST ever EVER

GIVEAWAY

Are YOU, my foul little fiends

of Literary Perdition,

drooling to win your weight in

Gold, Jewels, and Rare First Editions?

Yeah. Me, too!

HOWEVER...

If you DO have a yen

to ***WIN***

SOME kind of bookish loot -

Perhaps a grisly novel,

or a chiclet oh-em-gee Read,

or just what-e-vah

I've unearthed

from within the deepest bowels of

M.A.D.'s Tome Tomb ...

stay tuned!

Review: Here There Be Monsters

2010-09-15T13:38:00.000-07:00

For Review: Here There Be Monsters, pub. 2010
Author: Meljean Brook
Source: Burning Up (anthology)
Publisher: The Berkley Publishing Group, Berkley Sensation
ISBN 978-0-425-23595-9
Genre(s): Steampunk, Paranormal Romance

From the back cover: "Meljean Brook launches a bold new steampunk series with Here There Be Monsters, as a desperate woman strikes a provocative - and terrifying - bargain to gain overseas passage"

Additional works/authors included in Burning Up:
Whisper of Sin by Nalini Singh
Blood and Roses by Angela Knight
Shifting Sea by Virginia Kantra

Has the brutal Horde returned to London?

After two terrible centuries of nightmarish suffering under the paralyzing devices of a faction known as the Horde - pirate captain Rhys Trahaearn succeeded in destroying the tower once used to control the nanoagents infecting every person in London.

Now, seven years later, beautiful, Blacksmith surgeon's assistant Ivy is awakened by strangers searching throughout her cheap boardinghouse, moving from room to room. Her quarters invaded, her thin body prodded and evaluated for purposes unknown. It is when Ivy discovers empty beds in rooms previously filled that she suspects the worst. For theirs, and her, only value had been that of workers, as slaves to the Horde.

Fearing an end to the freedom she has but recently known, Ivy has no option except to escape the gaslit streets of London, to put a sea's distance between herself and those who would wish to control her once again.

Enter an unlikely rescuer - Mad Machen, captain of the ship, Vesuvious and one-time member of Trahaearn's crew. Machen: gruff, intimidating, broad of chest. Dangerously handsome with overgrown dark hair and a thick scar around his neck.

What price must Ivy pay to secure safe passage on Vesuvious? Are her skills in the fashioning of mechanical flesh enough, or will Mad Machen demand that gift which a woman may give only once in a lifetime - her maidenhead?

*****

My two cents: Must-Read.

Admittedly, I'm not a die-hard Steampunk reader. What little I'd previously read I could either take it or leave it.

However.

I could quite easily become a die-hard Steampunk fan if there were more works of this high a calibre [hopefully there are, and I've merely yet to discover them!].

Meljean Brook immediately pulled me into her story with vivid images of spider rickshaws scurrying on the cobblestones, yellow fog-smothered docks, and fanciful automata such as egg-crackers, jumping frogs, singing birds and the fat squatting man 'money chest'.

Besides an engaging knack for description, Ms. Brook presents us with a cast of 3-dimensional characters. No matter how small their part, or large, we are left with the sense of having been in the company of living, breathing personalities:

Lady Yasmeen Corsair - Airship captain, a green eyed mercenary with a reputation for killing anyone who questioned her. Usually.

Mad Machen/Soft-hearted Eben - Which was the man he wanted to be? And did he have the luxury of choice?

Ivy - Once plagued by poverty and slavery, the only thing she'd ever truly owned was her heart. Was she about to lose that, too?

In conclusion, I want to say that I thoroughly enjoyed Here There Be Monsters! I think I rather envied Ivy just a wee bit, minus fjords teeming with armor-plated megalodons, that is.

Zombies Discover Fire

2010-09-15T09:13:00.000-07:00

~PROLOGUE~

[Note: The following missive, translated from the original Russian, was recently recovered among singed rubbish removed from the 33rd floor of the Hotel New Yorker, lodgings once occupied in the final years of Nikola Tesla - world reknowned inventor.

The historic residence, room 3327 inclusive, was partially destroyed by a fire of unknown origin, arson under investigation.

The editor of this newspaper expresses regret that Tesla's document suffered significant damage, allowing for only brief fragments reprinted, as does follow below:]

Jan. 12th, 1939

... success at last! Good God, have I the courage to proceed? I have been called many things - genius, madman, inventor. But this? Will the great Nikola be deified or defiled? I give a whit less, for everything within me calls my attention to this matter.

Proceed I must. Ah, Nikola, what shall the future say of the past? We will discover this as we go forward.

................. the pinnacle of science. The ultimate time-machine ....

dozens of these devices, small enough to fit in the hollow of a monkey's paw, and scatter them across the African Savanna .....

No, nyet! I could just as well travel to the future and leave a trail ....[followed by multiple paragraphs too damaged for translation: Ed.]

[document resumed:Ed.] The die is cast, I have dared the unthinkable. I have left a total of 10 dozen minaturized wave-skips across a span of no less than 5,000 centuries. If I am correct in my surmise, one of two probabilities must occur:

A) The past will influence the future and vice versa, nullifying the seeming cause and effect nature of sequential events experienced as linear time. All human experience will manifest as a singular 'now'.

B) God, if indeed such exists, will be forced to show His hand to correct my subversion of His Perfect Plan. Thus, I will have proved conclusively the existence of a Supreme Creative Force.

It would be prudent to this, my Great experiment and Contribution to the moral attribution of mankind, were I to sequester these notes until that point in time that probability A or B, whichever of the two should manifest, establishes ... [end of legible document: Ed.]
********************

ZOMBIES DISCOVER FIRE

C235,000 B.C.

Homo erectus, as well as a handful of other transitional primate species, was in the process of dying out. The plains of Africa no longer were the verdant paradise which had once birthed the rising star of the primate genus to flourish unabated and with celestial rapidity unsurpassed since the Mesozoic era.

Neanderthal was stricken as well, along with his straggling cro magnon cousin.

Hunger became a daily pestilence, and many were the dead gathered in groups, bloated and fly-covered masses, in a final huddle beneath the scorching sun where grasses and game had ceased to thrive.

Those with the strength left to walk, ventured out of the dying trees and became nomads across the face of the dark continent.

C3088 A.D.

JonVori5 knew he was sick. JonVori5 also knew that unless a miracle occurred within the next five minutes, his fluctuating heat-signature would expose him to the WorldHealthPolice where he would be apprehended, impounded, and, ultimately, disposed of.

The Good of the Many and all that propaganda. Betelgeuse balls!

JonVori5, hearing the whine of a fast-approaching WHP air jail, ducked into an alley and slumped beside one of the city trash incinerators. He was done. There was nowhere left to run. Eyes closed, he briefly muttered a small recite to the Higgs-Boson particle, not sure, even in these final moments of freedom, if such a Perfect Creation existed to hear him or even care.

JonVori5 felt something small and quite firm hit him on the head. The object bounced once and landed center in his questing left hand. Automatically, without thinking, he pressed the round crystal center of the object.

It began to glow.

C236,000 B.C.

Roughly 240,000 years in the past, Ori wasn't feeling too swift either. He lifted a thick, short-fingered hand and cupped his brow, watching in sorrow as the remainder of his dwindling tribe left him dying in the dust while they searched the distant plain for foodstuff.

His belly hurt. It protruded like one of the females with young, and it ached like fire ants had made a mound inside it.

This was hunger. Ori knew he needed to eat or he would die. But there was nothing left to eat. What plants had managed to survive the endless drought had long since been rooted out. And along with the green growing things, so had gone the herbivores and with them, the carnivores quickly followed.

There was nothing left but dirt.

Ori collapsed to his knees and scratched a hoary nail across the brittle ground. He squinted one eye and looked at the dirt. He imagined the dirt looked back at him. Out of curiosity, or delirium, or primitive sense of humor, Ori lifted a few granules and placed them on his tongue.

The result was precisely as he'd expected. Dirt tasted like dirt.

Ori shut his eyes in disgusted surrender.

C236,000 & 1 minute later B.C.

JonVori5 felt his bones turn to jello, then water, then air and then something less than air, all in a single Plank's length or 1.616252(81) X 10 to the -35 meters. In other words - mighty damn fast.

For a moment, JonVori5 fought the urge to upchuck. Then the vertigo passed and JonVori5's surroundings materialized just about the time his body started feeling more like a body again and less like something poured through a sieve.

By Jupiter! He seemed to be in a vast wasteland under a brilliant Sol. And there, not three feet away, was stretched out the prone form of some type of man creature.

Puzzled, JonVori5 reached in his striped, WHP hospital-grade sicksuit and extracted a contraband pack of cigarettes. With a flick of a techno-Bic, he had one lit and took a deep drag, exhaling through nostrils eager to eradicate the unpleasantly heady odor eminating from ... whatever that creature was.

JonVori5 was not a seasoned smoker. He coughed.

C236,000 & counting B.C.

Ori heard a cough from somewhere to his right. He opened both eyes and beheld the strangest animal he had ever seen. Like one of the striped-hoofed ones, this one however stood on two legs. Frail, slender, long of fine white hair and with stripes that ran across instead of up & down. It appeared to be staring at him. With a flaming stick in it's mouth.

Ori couldn't believe his luck! The Gods had seen fit to send him a striped-hoof ... though a deformed one of unusual habits, it seemed ... on which to assuage his hunger.

He was saved.

Stumbling to his feet, sweat pouring from his heavy brow, he bared his teeth in anticipation and lurched quickly towards the striped-hoof.

C236,000 & still counting B.C.

It was to JonVori5's disadvantage that he had no previous experience with time traveling, starvation, or primitive man. Having been reared in a future time where brains triumphed over brawn, where man's physical attributes atrophied in direct proportion to his technical prowess and - more importantly - where the greatest enemies were too small to be seen - biological weapons & viral aberrations being a constant hazard of life in 3088 A.D. ...

Having all the above working against him, JonVori5 was a few crucial seconds too late in recognizing the glaze of hungry intention in Ori's face. To be exact, JonVori5's neck already broken and his flesh torn by the time he understood what the short, stocky primitive was about.

His cigarette and lighter dropped to the ground, no longer of much consequence.

Yet either by reflex, or deliberation, JonVori5 depressed one last time the liquid crystal in the strange object still clenched in his fist. As his form quickly dematerialized to appear somewhere on the streets of America in the year 1775, the damage was already done.

Both to Ori, himself, and all those who would come before, during or after.

The hungry homo erectus, mouth smeared with blood, with an aggressive viral disease courtesy of the future already coursing through his veins, and feeling very, very disappointed to lose his meal so soon, sadly groped the ground where JonVori5 had vanished. His meaty hand closed around the techno-Bic.

Hours later, a few of the more compassionate members of Ori's tribe returned to check on him. They were understandably surprised to discover that not only was Ori not yet dead, but that he was displaying a rather puzzling degree of robust health and unwarranted aggression.

In a word, he ate them.

Days later, the *futuristic blood infection* had spread far and wide. For amusement, when there was nobody around to eat, the primitive zombies would play with JonVori5's Bic.

Eventually they got the idea.

Early zombies discovered fire.

Which gave them a distinct advantage over all the other non-infected primitives.

And things weren't much better in 1775 after the arrival of JonVori5's broken body in the midst of the Great Battle of Lexington - anti-bacterial hand gel & antibiotics having not yet been invented.

Further more, Tesla's damn time machines - those little wave skip gadgets that looked so much like a child's toy - were popping up all over the Great Time Continuum like mushrooms in the Spring. It wasn't too long before God's Perfect Plan had morphed into a Perfect Mess.

EPILOGUE:

Bemused, God watched for a while before turning His attention back to the massive ranks of dazzling white unicorns waiting in the distance.

"There you have it," He said. "Now all across 'time', the whole lot's been infected".

God shook His magnificent shock of hair and ran a hand through His beard, pensive.

The unicorns rolled huge eyes at one another. Tension spread through the herd like fire. A few of the more agitated whinnied in protest.

"Right then". God pointed at each and every unicorn in turn. "All of you get down there. Split up the centuries evenly, I don't want any patchy eras left to flourish. And don't be seen if you can help it!"

Powerful hooves shook the heavens, horns long and powerful pierced the shimmering ether as the celestial herd readied itself for war.

A wave of glorious beasts vaulted over the edge of a lake of silvery mist to be lost to sight in the thickening of that nebulous thing called Time.

With a sigh redolent of long-suffering, God settled His golden-glowing form into the depths of a rather comfortable looking throne. He motioned to a still, shame-faced figure hovering uncertainly to his left.

God arched a holy eyebrow and gently patted the cloud in front of Him, "Mr. Tesla, does the expression FUBAR mean anything to you?"