Saturday Salami

Today I'd like to take a moment to quietly reflect on those books which have reminded me of a salami. Or a salamander. Or a salamander WITH a salami, which is something most people refuse to discuss in polite society. In fact, since some of us here may consider themselves *polite society*, perhaps it's best after all not to discuss those incredible, magnificent, best-selling salami books period.

Which is a darn shame, but who am I to flout convention? [I don't know why my mind works like this].

Whatevs.

But I would like to take a moment to sincerely thank all the brilliant people who have decided to throw caution to the wind by signing up to *follow/stalk* me. It's pretty pathetic I've had to beg/bribe some of you with book giveaways, as I'd like to think I'm above such pettiness and desperate measures [I'm not]. If you have signed up to follow me in the naive expectation of being privy to thoughtful book reviews, cozy author interviews, and daily memes - you deserve my deepest sympathy. And flaming worms in your bed. I mean, seriously - do I look like I've got that kind of time??? As if you'd know because I haven't posted my picture yet on this stupid profile/about me thingamajig because I'm a very busy person/blog-challenged who can't even get the stupid text to properly line up and I can barely remember to use spell check, so do you REALLY think I'm gonna do all that other crap when I can't even post my stupid picture [which by the way is so beyond beautiful X 10 that it would make the rest of you insanely jealous and leave you feeling like yesterday's cat yak - just sayin']. [Takes a deep breath and a slug of Dt. Mtn Dew straight from the 2-litre bottle which is, I'm happy to say, chilled to perfection!] ...
SO it's not like there's not a milliongazillionsextillion OTHER bloggers out there who really are dedicated and hardworking and take this whole blogging thing uber-seriously ... but I am not one of them.

Mwha ha ha ha
And your little dog, too!

No, really. I'm older than Satan's slippers and I didn't get to this point in my life by bowing to convention and ironing my pillowcases and saving orange peels to make potpourri. Listen, I've paid my dues and now that I'm a [beautiful X infinity] middle aged gal I say to hell it. And guess what???
I'm gonna eat Hershey miniatures for LUNCH. Straight out of the bag. Maybe later today I'll turn on every light in the house and stand there with the refrigerator door wide open.

Oh, by the way. You'll love this. Did you know that according to a recent scientific study nearly all Mensa members confessed to hiding their YA books inside the covers of Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Quantum Particles But Were Afraid to Ask and 1,001 Ways to Build a Space Station Using Old Coffee Grinds and Twistie Ties?

Me, neither.

The End.