Obit: Zombies Done Et Earline

PITFALLS PRESS

Pitfalls, IL

Vol. 17 Issue. 23

Date: 09/10/10

Closed-casket visitation will be held Monday, Sept. 13, 5:00 p.m. at Frank's Funeral Home & Bait Shop, south of the county sewer plant on C.R. 1251 for

EARLINE MAY ALLEN

Who reluctantly passed into The Lord's Fine Keeping

Friday morning in the back alley behind Piggly Mart

From severe bodily-type injuries against

her person by party or parties unknown.

Miss Earline were born into this here world on the 14th day of April, 1926. She were delivered by Blacksmith Cox and joined 8 brothers and 9 sisters. Her parents, Mr. and Mrs. Lonnie Edwardine Allen

preceeded her in being dead, as have the rest of siblings

exceptin Lonnie Allen, Jr. who is a resident at

Rusty's Retirement Center for Old Folks. She be also preceeded

in death

by most of her 217 nieces and nephews, at last count.

Miss Earline were never married and spent her spinster years

as Secretary/Treasurer to the Pitfalls Geriatric Garden Club

who hopes to recover the $1,000 Club Fund

which Miss Earline kept hidden in her home

and forgot where she done hid it, sometime last summer.

Miss Earline were also busy in her later years

tending to The Lord's Gentle Creatures,

mostly all them cats she kept locked up in her basement, garage

and some under the porch. If anyone knows where the key

to Earline's house is, please immediately contact the Pitfalls Press and/or Animal Control.

Interment/burial services will be held Tuesday, Sept. 14, 9:00 a.m.

at The Tiny Town Cemetarry

adjoining

The Tiny Town Trailer Park

Even though it grieves us poorly that they be only enough

of The Beloved Miss Earline

to fit into a Men's Medium Shoebox

We are thankful to announce

that the Good Reverund Wayne

will be presiding over services.

And we would also like to Thank the kind folks at

Sally's Shoe Barn & Grill

for providing the shoebox free of charge.

Family & Kin suggest

donations

may be made

to the Bowling Barn so they

can get the lanes buffed proper.

Donations will also be Gratefully Accepted

to the newly formed

Z-Team: Bubba L. Spanks, Srgt. at Arms